


Air and Angels

by Sign_ofthetimes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1970s, 1975, Alternate Universe - 1970s, Angst, Druguse, FamousHarry, Fleetwood Mac, M/M, Music, Photographer Louis, Poetry, Queen - Freeform, Rockstar Harry, Smut, The Beatles - Freeform, hatetolove
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:21:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sign_ofthetimes/pseuds/Sign_ofthetimes
Summary: 1970s au where Louis is the tour photographer on troubled rocker,Harry Styles' world tour.





	1. Chapter One:London

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to say quickly that I will be posting regularly every single week so make sure you subscribe.Thank you and enjoy!

**Chapter One:London 1975**

Wind kissed the tip of Louis' ears and ruffled his artfully shaggy hairdo as he raced through the busy London streets.Pausing a moment to hike up his prized blue flare jeans and fix the strap of his camera bag,Louis allowed himself to catch his breath before diving back into the crowd of rush hour commuters.

As was customary with Louis Tomlinson,he was twenty minutes late for the biggest meeting of his career.Weaving clumsily through the city commuters,Louis winced as he caught their disgruntled glares,throwing a breathless "sorry" over his shoulder as he rushed by.

Finally,turning into Victoria Road,Louis bounded up the stone steps of the pristine white townhouse and pressed the buzzer with one shaky finger.Fully prepared for the famous wrath of Julia Evers,Louis was surprised when the woman who swung the door open was instead wearing a welcoming albeit impersonal smile.

"Ms Evers,I'm so sorry I'm late.There was a delay on the tube."  
Louis blurted,his voice high and raspy from his first act of physical exertion in months.

Julia shook her head,her gorgeous mane of dark hair shifting as she did so and turned the full force of her dazzling blue orbs on Louis, "Nonsense.I've come to expect tardiness thanks to my dear husband.Now come in,it's freezing out there."

Louis nodded,grateful for the reprieve from the bitter elements and stepped across the threshold of the house.He let his eyes wander as he was led deeper into the home,taking in the framed records lining the walls and the liberal splashes of colour and madness that decorated the house.He was sure he spotted a giant mural of an ape in the hallway but he later,he wasn't sure.

Ahead of him,Julia was a vision.Barefoot and clad only in a floaty dress,Louis was not immune to the glamazon's beauty as he watched the way her hips swayed as she walked.

"Would you like something to drink?Tea?Coffee?"  
Julia wondered,leading Louis into an expansive,almost clinical,open plan kitchen.

"Tea's fine,Ms Evers."  
Louis mumbled,his famous wittisms having died on his tongue.

"Oh,please call me Julia.Ms Evers is my mother."

Louis wasn't sure how to react to the woman before him.He'd been in the industry long enough to have heard the countless stories about Julia Evers diva attitude.Making interns cry,refusing to take photographs in certain lights,demanding outlandish riders.You name it and Julia had done it.At least,according to Louis's photographer mates anyway.So,he was bemused by the kindness that she was showing him.Maybe marriage had changed her.

"So...uhh Julia,have you thought about the direction you want this shoot to go in?"  
Louis asked,accepting the mug of tea that Julia handed him.

Julia reached for a copy of Beats magazine resting on the granite countertop and flicked to a well-thumbed page.  
"I want to try something different.I saw this shoot that you did a couple months ago and immediately knew you were the man for the job."

Louis glanced at the magazine and nodded.It was a shoot he did with Lindsay-queen of disco.He had photographed her in her bohemian downtown New York apartment,baking cookies with her two adorable children.Admittedly,it was a little saccharine but after numerous drug scandals,the shoot gave Lindsay a new edge.

When he had received the call from John Sampson,editor-in-chief of Beats magazine,he had been told Julia was trying to reform her image.  
"She needs her husband's fans to like her" had been his exact words.

The husband in question being Harry Styles,king of rock and roll with five number one albums under his belt and political activist.Louis wasn't afraid to admit that said husband was the driving factor behind him accepting the job.At the time,he was temporarily unemployed,spending his days lounging on the ratty sofa in his shared apartment and listening to his favourite rock records.The thought that he would potentially meet the man who had inspired Louis to enter the photography business in the first place was the exact kick he needed to sort out his life.Of course,the pay check was a nice added bonus.

And now,here he was,sitting across from Harry Styles' wife,sipping tea that tasted suspiciously like toilet water and discussing brand images.Bizarre.

"So you want to go with the homely image?"  
Louis questioned,unable to keep the scepticism from his voice.He knew it would be near impossible to brand Julia,famous for her risqué shoots as a home bunny.

Julia shrugged and tapped a manicured fingernail on the image of Lindsay, "If that's what it takes for people to like me."

"It may come off a little contrived.After all,Lindsay is a forty year old mother of two.Realistically,no one expects a twenty five year old wife of a rocker to have built this perfect home life."

"So what do you suggest then?"  
Julia raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at Louis' candour.

Louis paused for a moment,formulating an idea that he had been brooding over for the last couple of days before he spoke, "Would you consider involving your partner in some of these pictures?Obviously you would be the main focus.But,we could market you as the newest powerhouse couple,saving the world together.I know couples photo shoots can be cheesy but,if it's done right,it could hit the mark.Young love and all that."

Julia bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head, "I don't think Harry would be up for it.He's been so busy lately...."

"Of course!It was just a thought," Louis said,already grappling for his camera in his leather satchel, "Why don't we take some test shots now,just you,and we can iron out the rest later,yeah?"

Julia nodded,a sigh of relief slipping past her plump lips and the visible tension leaving her shoulders.Louis forced himself not to think about the obvious strain that had come over Julia at the mention of her husband and instead busied himself with positioning the woman in front of the kitchen's large bay windows and taking a few quick test shots.

********

Later,after finishing up his meeting with Julia and promising to schedule a time for the official shoot next week,Louis let himself into his studio apartment and kicked off his scuffed boots.

"Honey!I'm home!" He thrilled,padding into the living-cum-dining-cum-kitchen area.

With the heavy drapes closed,Louis had to squint in the half light and almost tripped over the big bundle of human that was sprawled across the floor.

"Do you have to do that every time?"  
Zayn,his roommate and best friend groaned.

Louis chuckled and slid down onto the ground to join Zayn.  
"Only when I know you're hungover and near death.Big night?I didn't hear you come in."

As a model,Zayn spent his evenings attending events and making connections in the hopes of a casting.Not that he had to do much brown-nosing with his striking good looks and come to bed eyes.

"Ugh,Liam dragged me to some book publishing party and we ended up doing body shots.You should have seen the looks we got."

Louis snorted in amusement,picturing his best friend licking tequila off of his boyfriend's neck in front of a crowd of stiff upper-lipped toffs.Despite it being 1975,homosexuality was still viewed as a sinful indulgence outside of the art circles.Luckily for Zayn and Louis,their professions meant they largely socialised with people who coined the term "free love" but they still had to be careful.Hell,a homophobic ass was the reason they met in the first place.Louis had interjected a fight between Zayn and Liam and some asshole who was trying to get the two boyfriends kicked out of the club.Louis had defused the situation and the three men had been best friends ever since.

"Where is Liam anyway?" Louis asked,scanning the room for another human sized lump.

Zayn lifted himself up slowly,rubbing his puffy eyes with the heel of his hand, "He actually made it to bed.Unfortunately for me,and my back,I collapsed before I got there."

Louis cooed sympathetically and ran a hand through his best friend's raven locks, "If it makes you feel any better-I should be able to make rent this month."

"Ahh how was the dragon-breather?"

Louis rolled his eyes.Zayn had worked with Julia on a campaign before and swore she was the devil incarnate.

"She was okay actually,nice even.She clammed up a little when I mentioned a joint shoot with her husband but other than that she was cool."

"Hah!He's probably too busy running around London snogging twinks."  
Zayn muttered darkly,unaware that his words had caused Louis to jolt beside him.

"What are you talking about,Zee?"  
Louis demanded,mind racing.

Zayn shrugged his bony shoulders, "Haven't you heard? Your rockstar's gay."

There was no way.Surely he would know if the bold,beautiful,perfect Harry Styles was gay.The man was one of Louis' biggest idols and the person he had dreamed about photographing since he was just a horny teenager messing around with a second hand camera.The fact that Zayn would know something this monumental about his idol and not thought to mention it was inconceivable.

"Bullshit?Who told you that?"

"Told me?I saw it for myself.I was at some record execs party last week,trashed out of my mind and I stumbled upon Mr rockstar straddling some guy while I was looking for the bathroom."  
Zayn said,his voice trailing off and his eyes drooping slightly.It was clear he needed rest and yet,Louis couldn't let this subject go.

"But Julia-"  
Louis mumbled,thinking about the beautiful young woman who he had met earlier today.

"-is a stone cold bitch and doesn't deserve any sympathy."  
Zayn finished with an air of finality.

Louis shook his head but let the subject drop.Empathy,he realised with a shock,he felt an overwhelming amount of empathy for Julia who was surely the laughing stock of London.Did she know?Or was she blissfully unaware?

Louis had always held Harry up on a pedestal.The whole week Harry was in New York protesting the Vietnam war Louis had been glued to their tiny television,in awe of the man who appeared more saint than human.So now hearing that Harry was just like every other man,only looking out for his dick,with no concern for Julia,Louis was disgusted and downtrodden.In his eyes,it didn't matter that Harry was possibly struggling with his sexuality,to Louis,who had always been a secret romantic,you married for love and nothing else.

That night,Louis fell into bed with the spark inside him snuffed.

*******

The next morning,Louis was shovelling cereal into his mouth at the kitchen table when the phone rang.

Carrying his bowl over to the phone,Louis swallowed the cereal in his mouth before picking it up.  
"Hello?"

"Louis?It's Julia,is this a good time?"  
Julia's voice on the other end of the line was faint and subdued.Was Louis imagining it or did she sound like she'd been crying? Immediately unexplainable concern grew in the pit of his stomach for the woman.

Tightening his grip on the phone,Louis replied, "Of course,I'm really happy to hear from you."

"At least someone is," came the quick response before Julia seemed to gather herself, "Listen,I talked to Harry.I showed him some of your photos and he's willing to take a couple shots.Would next Wednesday work for you?"

Absentmindedly Louis curled his hand around the cord of the phone and mulled over her words.Before,Louis would have been jumping off the walls at the thought of the Harry Styles liking his pictures.And while he still wasn't immune to the charms of the man he couldn't help but feel a little hesitant.Did he really want to place himself in what could be a difficult situation? But then again could Louis afford to turn the shoot down? He knew Zayn and Liam didn't mind covering his portion of the rent from time to time but he still didn't want to take advantage.

"That works," Louis eventually conceded, "See you then."

And so,Louis found himself back on the doorstep of the slick townhouse.This time Louis had to press the buzzer twice before he heard any stirrings inside the house.He was just beginning to turn around and traipse back to his apartment when the door was flung open and a man's deep voice rang out.

"No,Mitch I told you,this record needs to be more stripped back,yeah oh-"

Louis turned around and was hit full on with the image of a bare chested Harry Styles.A pair of tight leather trousers were sculpted to his magnificent legs and his famous wavy brown hair was flowing freely around his face,brushing his glistening collarbone.He had managed to drag the house phone to the door with him and it was pressed against the shell of his ear,a tinny voice emitting from it.

For a moment,Louis just stood there staring into Harry's wide sea foam green eyes,aware of nothing but the heavy rise and fall of his own chest.But then,Harry cocked his head to the side and shot Louis an appraising smirk and the spell was broken.

"And who might you be kitten?"  
Harry asked,his voice rough and teasing.

Louis flinched and pushed past Harry into the hallway,lugging his equipment bag behind him.  
"I'm the photographer."

Harry hummed appreciatively, "Hmm,if I'd known you looked like *that* I wouldn't have been quite as reluctant to participate in this little shoot."

Louis was annoyed now.Maybe in a dark club,with a few drinks creating a pleasant buzz in his bloodstream Louis might have fallen hook line and sinker for Harry.But here, in the harsh light of day,standing in the home Harry shared with his wife,his behaviour struck Louis as dirty and seedy.

"Thanks but,if it's all the same to you I'd prefer to be judged on my talent rather than what I look like."  
Louis snapped,his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The smirk fell from Harry's face and he stared back at Louis with something close to interest clouding his features.It was clear he wasn't used to being told no.Harry opened his mouth to say something but then the door to the kitchen opened and someone called his name.

"Louis?Oh good you're here."  
Julia was leaning against the doorframe,a silk robe covering her modesty and her hair in rollers.

"Yeah,I know I'm early but I wanted to make sure everything was running smoothly."  
Louis said,shooting Julia a smile and blatantly ignoring the male beside him.

"That was kind of you,wasn't it Harry?"

At that,Louis reluctantly turned his head back toward Harry.He wasn't surprised to see that the mask of feigned bravado was back in place.

"Oh yes,very kind."  
Harry agreed,winking at Louis exaggeratedly.

Louis struggled not to glare at the man,forcing himself to shrug his shoulders instead.

Julia opened the door to the kitchen wider and ushered Louis inside.  
"Come meet everyone."

Inside,the kitchen was pandemonium.There must have been at least thirty people squeezed into the room,drawing up vision boards and heating straighteners and hanging clothes.

"Everyone,this is Louis,the photographer."  
Julia announced to the room.

As one,the group of people lifted their heads and acknowledged Louis briefly before carrying on with their tasks.

“Did you decide on the direction of the shoot?”  
Louis asked.

Julia wandered over to the fridge and extracted a green sludgy smoothie.  
“Harry has decided that the theme is glitter.”

Louis snorted,of course he did.

“Is that a problem Louis?”  
Harry asked,appearing in the kitchen sans phone.

“Bit general no?What are you planning on doing covering yourselves naked in glitter?”

“That is exactly what we’re doing.”  
Harry confirmed,ignoring Louis’ sarcasm.

Julia nodded helplessly in agreement.It was clear she was going along with the idea to keep Harry happy.It struck Louis that Harry was acting like an overgrown child.

“That’s great and all but...I don’t think the general public will get it.”  
Louis argued.

Harry laughed, “We don’t care what they think,right Jules?”

Louis found that hard to believe considering he had spent two hours last week talking to Julia about marketable images.

“But what about image?I thought you wanted something more wholesome Julia?When I suggested a couples shoot I was thinking more candid laughing shots while eating dinner or campaigning for a worthy cause.”

Julia knocked back the remainder of her smoothie and sighed, “Just drop it Louis,please.”

Harry shot Louis a triumphant grin before sauntering off to do whatever it is rockstars do in their spare time.

Gritting his teeth,Louis composed himself before addressing the gathered team, "Well lets get started then,shall we?"

********

  
"Harry!Can you stay still for one moment please!"  
Louis shouted,lifting his camera away from his face.

He had been photographing the couple for two hours now and he was still to get any usable shots.Harry Styles was an absolute menace.After smearing his bare chest with a glitter concoction,Louis had directed the rockstar and his wife to drape themselves across each other in front of the white backdrop that had been set up.Unfortunately for Louis,Harry was beyond direction.

Instead of lying still like Louis had asked he insisted on striking what he called "high fashion" poses at the last minute and screwing up Louis' shots.Of course the man was so charming that the rest of the team just tittered at his antics and appeared helplessly endeared.And so it was left to Louis to tame the beast.

"Listen Louis,this is about fun yeah?Nobodies gonna care about the shoot if we're just lying there like corpses."  
Harry countered,lifting a ring laden hand up to the camera and doing his trademark peace sign.

"I'm not saying you have to stay in those positions,I'm just asking you to take this a little more seriously," Louis sighed and turned to Julia, "Right Julia?"

While Harry had grown more and more boisterous as the shoot progressed,Julia had begun to withdraw.She had started to snap at everyone around her,including her husband.

"God Louis,I don't know.I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea." She muttered,glancing down at her outfit which consisted of a matching pair of leather trousers like her husband and not much else.

"Look,why don't we take a break? Reconvene in ten minutes?"  
Louis suggested to muffled agreement from his team.

Harry nodded and bounded off,hardly looking in the direction of his clearly upset wife.

Louis watched helplessly as Julia pushed past the team and escaped into her garden.

"They had a fight before you got here."  
Louis whirled around at the familiar voice and was met with Danny,the shoot manager.

"What?"

Danny's face practically gleamed with enthusiasm as he leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, "That's why Styles is amping up the theatrics.I overheard them having this big bust up.Apparently Mr Styles didn't come home last night.”

This didn’t surprise Louis.It was clear Harry did what he wanted,when he wanted but Louis still wasn’t one to fall prey to petty gossip,“Well,let’s just hope they can pull themselves together enough to finish this fucking shoot.”

Louis left Danny with a pat on the shoulder and against his better judgement,joined Julia in the garden.

Julia lifted her head and twisted her mouth into a grim smile at Louis when he took a seat next to her, “Suppose you’re here to give out about Harry right?”

Louis furrowed his brow and shook his head, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He fumbled for the packet of cigarettes he kept in his trousers, “Cigarette?”

“Thanks.” Julia accepted the proffered cigarette and leaned into Louis so he could light it for her, “I don’t know why he acts like that.He must hate me.”

“That’s not true.I only met the guy for the first time today and even I could tell that he cares.”

It was true.Despite Harry’s antics during the shoot Louis found himself watching out for the moments when the mask slipped and he laughed at something Julia had whispered in his ear or helped her spread glitter on her body with the careful intensity of a little boy drawing his first picture.

Julia snorted,exhaling a long plume of smoke up into the sky, “He thinks I don’t know he’s been shagging every boy in bloody London.Do you know how hard it is going to work and knowing everybody is talking about you.”

“If you know why are you with him?” Louis asked neutrally,struggling to tamper down the surprise he felt at Julia’s admission.He couldn’t understand why one of the most famous models in the world whom he had met just a week ago was choosing him to confide in.

Julia eyed Louis out of the corner of her eye, “You’re different,Louis.Its refreshing.”  
she muttered, tactically avoiding his question.

“I would have thought you’d had enough of different from your husband.”

“He’s a good different too.If you weren’t so stubborn the two of you would probably get on.When Harry’s not being a tosser he can be pretty brilliant.”

Louis swallowed thickly.He didn’t want to be compared to Harry.Not when the man had been such an utter disappointment.Thinking about all of the years Louis had wasted listening to Harry’s records,convinced that they were two kindred spirits or something,made him feel like such an idiot.

God,Harry had even been responsible for Louis coming to terms with his own sexuality.Accepting that,no matter how hard he tried to prevent it,it was Harry that came into his head when he was pulling himself off in the shower had been a huge moment for a teenage Louis.

“Will you go and talk to him for me?”

Louis stirred out of his thoughts and turned towards Julia who was watching him expectantly, “Sorry?”

“I said will you talk to Harry?He’s probably in the bedroom upstairs.” She repeated,the corners of her mouth lifting slightly.

“Sure.”  
Louis stood up reluctantly and stubbed out his cigarette.The last thing he wanted to do right now was to talk to this bastard.

“You sure you’re okay?”

Julia nodded, “Thanks for giving a shit Louis.”

Louis smiled at Julia before tentatively entering the kitchen again.Immediately,he felt the group’s eyes on him.  
“I’m just going to speak to Harry.”

Danny stepped into Louis’ path as he was leaving the kitchen.  
“What were you talking about with old Jules?”

“I wasn’t feeling her out for gossip if that’s what you’re implying.”  
Louis snapped,brushing past Danny.

He couldn’t believe the way these people seemed to thrive off of other people’s misery.Having mostly worked on smaller projects he had never been exposed to the darker side of the industry and he was unsettled by it.

Upstairs,Louis glanced at the six closed doors with trepidation.He hadn’t a clue which one Harry could be lurking behind and he didn’t want to catch him in the act of changing or something.He didn’t think his poor penis could handle seeing mr rockstar in his full naked glory.

Approaching the first door on the right,Louis knocked hesitantly and when there was no sound from within,slowly pushed the door open.

It was empty.Clearly the room was acting as a guest room as it lacked the warmth that the other rooms in the house possessed.Closing the door gently,Louis continued down the line.

The next three rooms were all functioning guest rooms and the fourth,after further inspection was a huge marble bathroom complete with a rainforest shower and sauna.

Bored and fed up searching for the elusive man,Louis was ready to head back downstairs,when he heard a soft moan coming from behind the fifth door.

Approaching the door,Louis knocked as loud as he could before he pushed the door open.

“Fuck.” He hissed as he took in the sight before him.Harry was sat on a huge king sized bed with what looked like one of the camera assistants between his legs.Harry had a hand tangled in the young mans hair and was firmly pushing his head down onto his cock,his own head thrown back in ecstasy.

Neither man seemed to notice or be put off by Louis’ appearance in the room.Louis stood,his blood boiling and despite himself,his cock thickening in his pants.

“Louis,you looking for a little ménage et trois?”  
Harry’s voice was deep and commanding when he eventually spoke eliciting the hairs on the back of Louis’ neck to stand up.

“You wish.” Louis responded feebly,cursing the high strain to his voice.

Harry grinned manically at Louis before closing his eyes again and thrusting up into the young boys mouth.

Louis should have left.He should have left the moment he came upon the scene.But,he was enthralled.It was like Harry had bewitched him,he could think of nothing but how beautiful his former idol looked in that moment.Harry had his head tilted back again,exposing the tantalising column of his throat and his chest was covered in a sheen of sweat and glitter.He was almost ethereal.

With one last thrust Harry came down the boys throat with a whimper.Louis watched in horror as the boy stood up on trembling legs and was ushered away with a mere flick of Harry’s wrist.As the boy passed Louis in the doorway,his head down and his cheeks flushed in mortification Louis tried to offer him a consolatory smile but he flinched away.

“Do you have no shame?”  
Louis asked once he got the use of his vocal chords back.

Harry chuckled,zipping up his leather pants and running a hand through his dishevelled hair, “Why would I?None of this matters.We’re all inconsequential.”

Louis shook his head, “Humans aren’t toys.Maybe we’re inconsequential in comparison to the stars in the sky but here on Earth,this shit you’re doing has an impact on other people whether you like it or not.Now id suggest you get your act together and cooperate for the rest of this shoot for your wife’s sake.”

Louis screwed his face up into disgust and turned away from the man,hurrying down the stairs without another word.

For the rest of the day,Harry played along.He allowed himself to be placed into positions and he didn’t cause another disruption.And if the intensity of his gaze had caused Louis’ hands to shake well,nobody had to know but him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter Two:London and Glasgow

**Chapter Two:London and Glasgow 1975**

"Lets have a good night,yeah?You need to loosen up."

Louis was standing in line with Zayn and Liam to enter the Hammer and Nail.Ever since the shoot Louis had been in a funk and it had not gone amiss with his two best friends.He just couldn't shake the image of Harry and the boy from his head.And so,he had come out tonight with the express purpose of getting laid.

The boys' usual haunt, the Westside Clubhouse, was a relatively laid-back place. Guys went there for the same reason they went to any other gay bar, but mainly because it was a place they could relax and be themselves. The drinks were generous, the bartenders were cute but not intimidating, and they all knew Louis.But that wasn’t the kind of place he was in the mood for. Instead, he had dragged the lads to the Hammer and Nail, which he’d heard about but hadn’t yet ventured into.

While they waited in line Louis watched several men get turned away for not being fit enough, young enough, handsome enough, or for not fitting who-knew-what other criteria.Louis had been confident when he first queued up, but by the time he got to the front of the line, he was nervous. The tall, blond, muscular bouncer eyed the three men up and down and then motioned them inside without a word, smacking Louis on the ass as he walked past. The whole process was fairly disgusting, and while Louis was opposed to the attitude in theory, he couldn’t deny that it felt good to know he passed muster.

Inside, the bar was dark and loud. At least half the guys were shirtless, and all of them were beautiful.

Immediately he turned to his two best friends, "I'll catch up with you guys in a bit,yeah?"

Zayn and Liam exchanged an amused glance but didn't argue.

"Go get 'em tiger."  
Zayn teased,as the two boyfriends walked in the direction of the seated booths.

Louis wrestled his way to the bar and bought himself a gin and tonic.He knew he'd need at least two more drinks before he’d be able to get on the dance floor, so he stayed on the fringe of things while he sipped his drink.

“Louis?"

Louis turned around to see the shoot manager from last week. “Hey, man,” he said, searching frantically for the man’s name.

"Danny."

"Danny.Right of course.From the shoot?"

Danny nodded. “I didn’t know you were…” He motioned vaguely around the room.

"Yeah, well,” Louis said, smiling lamely and shrugging. “I don’t usually come here, though. It’s not exactly my scene, but I was in some kind of mood tonight.

"Why?What happened?"

The way Danny said it reminded Louis of the unsavoury way the man had jumped on Louis for gossip about Julia.

He shrugged,uncomfortable now. "Oh,you know.Sometimes you just get into one of those funks."

This time Danny seemed to take the hint and changed the subject. "It turned out alright didn't it,the shoot? Harry Styles is a babe."

"Yeah it did.Harry's okay,second rate Mick Jagger if you ask me." The gin was loosening his tongue.

"Meow."

"Sorry." Louis mumbled, "This place is a dream isn't it?I have no idea how I got in."

Danny raised an eyebrow, "Seriously?You don't know how pretty you are.Do you want to go in the back?"

Louis blushed at the man's compliment.He still wasn't sure how he felt about Danny.Sure he was good looking but perhaps a little facetious.Either way,Louis was here to get laid,he couldn't afford to be picky.

“What’s in the back?”

“Well if you don’t know the answer to that, I may have to rescind my offer.”

Louis laughed sharply, even as his cheeks heated up. “Okay, let’s go.”

There was a lounge area in the back of the bar with several sofas and clusters of pillows on the floor. It was darker than the front of the club, and more so in the corners, but Louis could see figures entwined in various spots around the room. He’d been around plenty of open sex at parties, after all it was the 70s but this was different. It was all men, for one thing. Even at those drug-hazed free love bashes, the gay stuff was almost always behind closed doors.

“You look like you just walked into Oz,” Danny said.

“I’ve seen that movie, and I distinctly remember that no one had their cock out.”  
“More’s the pity,” Danny replied. “Come on. Over there.” He grinned and grabbed Louis' hand to pull him to a couch, one side of which was already occupied by a man holding a skinny, kneeling black-haired kid by the hair and pushing his face into his crotch.Danny backed Louis into the couch and climbed onto his lap to kiss him.

The din of the music was somewhat muffled in the back room, and the sounds of sex surrounded him. There were grunts and moans, low, guttural utterances, and the occasional laugh. It filled Louis with reckless abandon, as if he’d left some part of himself outside the walls of this club—the nagging, inconvenient part that normally kept him out of places like this. With Danny grinding into him and sliding his tongue against Louis', he found he didn’t miss it at all. He shoved his hands between their bodies and unzipped Danny's tight pants and then his own jeans. He held their cocks in one hand so they slid against each other as Danny writhed on top of him. The noises coming from their couchmate spurred his own urgency. Danny came quickly, biting into Louis' shoulder, and then stilled his movements. He reached for Louis' cock and jerked him hard and fast, forcing the orgasm out of him in an intense rush.

They slumped against each other for a few seconds, and then Danny reached languidly for a box of tissues on a small side table. As Louis cleaned himself up, he felt his real self begin to return. The scene around him, which had been so intoxicating before, now seemed ridiculous.Danny,though cute enough, had entirely ceased to interest him. He sighed and stood up to straighten out his clothes.

“I’m usually here on Saturday nights,” Danny said. “Maybe I’ll see you next time.”

“Yeah, man. I don’t know; it’s not my usual place. But I’ll see." Louis smiled at him in what he hoped was a friendly, but not too encouraging way.

Saying a quick goodbye to Danny,Louis beat it out of there as fast as he could, emerging onto the sidewalk and breathing air that thankfully didn’t smell like sex and cigarettes.Dawdling outside the club Louis knew he should probably find Zayn and Liam and tell them he was leaving but he was drained and craved the comfort of his bed so he set off into the inky black night without a backwards glance.

  
********

It wasn't until the launch of Julia's cover shoot that Louis saw Harry again.Beats magazine were throwing a big party in Julia's honour and she had requested his presence.Since comforting her on the shoot day,Louis and Julia had formed a tentative friendship.He had already met her for lunch several times and they talked on the phone every couple of days.Zayn of course was baffled by this development but Louis didn't care.He liked Julia.He understood her in a way that no one else seemed to do.

If it was just Julia attending the party Louis would have been fine,excited even.But knowing he would surely run into Harry,he felt sick.Unfortunately,shagging Danny that night hadn't made him feel better,if anything it had made him feel worse.Now,when he closed his eyes all he could picture was Harry in Danny's place,his green eyes shimmering under the lights of the Hammer and Nail.

Louis didn't even like the guy.In fact,he was pretty sure he hated him.Yet,that didn't stop Louis from wanting to tear him apart with his tongue.And so,you can see the predicament Louis was in as he joined the function that night.

Of course,to make matters worse,the function was being held in the club directly opposite to the Hammer and Nail something which had made Louis balk when his cab first pulled up.

Now,he lingered on the periphery of the party,with a reluctant Zayn by his side.

"Where's your new best friend?" Zayn whispered,only partly joking.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Behave."

Louis scanned the expansive club,his eyes lingering on a particularly hunky model here or there before returning to his task of searching for familiar faces.

"She's over there.Come on."

Louis didn't wait to hear Zayn's protests before he was dragging his best friend across the dance floor to a booth where Julia had congregated with a group of people Louis had never met before.

"Julia." He said,reaching out and kissing her cheek politely.

She looked gorgeous in an off the shoulder red mini dress.Even Zayn wouldn't be able to fault her.

"You came! And you brought a friend."  
Julia's gaze turned to appraise Zayn,her smile faltering when she noticed Zayn's stony expression.

"Julia,this is Zayn Malik.I think you two may have worked together before."  
Louis gestured between the two,desperate to diffuse the obvious tension.

Julia winced clearly remembering the way she acted previously and offered her hand to Zayn, "Yeah,I remember now.Forgive me if I was a little...cold that day."

"It's okay." Zayn took her hand in his and shook it although Louis could still sense his best friends wariness.

When the man sitting next to her leaned over to whisper in her ear,Julia jolted and turned back to Louis, "Sorry,I'm being rude.This is Harry's band-Mitch,Adam,Clare and Sarah."

Louis waved at the band,trying not to let their association with Harry taint his judgement.

"You know,Mitch and I were just talking and the guys need a new tour photographer."  
Julia said.

The man next to her,Mitch presumably,nodded. "Yeah,our old one couldn't handle Harry's dramatics.The man has the patience of a toddler."

Louis swallowed. "Oh yeah?" He wasn't stupid,he knew where this was going and there was no way.Absolutely no fucking way.

"Louis is free after this,you'd be up for it,right?"

Louis whirled on Zayn,his eyes widening in mock horror.Zayn was un phased,meeting Louis' accusatory stare with a level head.God,Louis was going to kill him.Zayn had heard all about Louis' little problem and was well aware that the last thing he wanted to do was travel the world in a cramped bus with Harry Styles.

"Oh that's great.You could report back to me on his sundry hookups.It would give me such peace of mind." Julia clapped her hands together,clearly not feeling the need to consult Louis.

"Well hold on,it'd be a big commitment.Im going to need some time to think about it."

The rest of the band nodded understandingly but Julia pouted.Clearly,by saying no Louis was sparking her famous temper.

"But Louis,what's there to think about?" Julia frowned, "I thought we were friends."

Oh God. "We are,of course we are but I need to think about what's best for my career.Just give me time."

Before Julia or even,Zayn could push him any further Louis excused himself to the bathroom.

Louis' mind was racing as he pushed open the door to the toilets,so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice the reason for his panic standing at the sinks splashing water onto his face until he spoke,   
"Anyone else would think you're stalking me."

Louis jumped slightly,raising a hand to his heart.If his life didn't got any more chaotic he was sure he was going to give himself a heart attack.

"I'm not in the mood,Harry." Louis sighed,joining Harry at the bay of sinks and splashing water onto his own flushed face.

"Are you okay?"

Louis lifted his head to meet Harry's eye in the mirror.The other man appeared almost concerned.

"Yeah just," Louis gestured vaguely with his hand. "-avoiding a situation."

Harry turned off the tap and ran a damp hand through his lustrous curls.He looked tired,Louis noted.

"What are you doing hiding in here anyway?"

"Same as you,avoiding a situation."

Louis was surprised when this startled a laugh out of him.And judging by the small smile that had bloomed on Harry's face,he was surprised too.

"I'm pretty sure your situation is probably a lot more complicated than mine." Louis acknowledged,feeling stupid now for overreacting.

Harry nodded, "Touché."

A comfortable silence stretched between the two as Louis dried his hands on the provided hand towel and fixed his beyond help hair in the mirror.

"You know,I think this is the first time since we've met that you haven't shouted at me."  
Harry commented.

Louis looked Harry in the eye and shrugged, "This is the first time since we've met that you haven't been pretending to be something you're not."

Instantly,the smile left Harry's face and his eyes clouded over.

"You don't know me."

"Julia offered me the position as your tour photographer." Louis blurted out.

Harry's eyes widened, "She had no right to do that."

"Well it's okay because I'm not taking it anyway." Louis snapped,annoyed that Harry so obviously didn't want him around.

Louis fixed the collar of his shirt in the mirror once more and made to leave,he knew when he wasn't wanted.But before he could,Harry grabbed onto his arm.Louis glanced down to where Harry's hand was burning a hole in his shirt and gulped.

"Take the job." Harry said softly.

"Why?"

"Because I want you to." Harry replied simply.

Louis shook his head, "I don't get you."

"No one does." Harry murmured,smiling sadly.

 

********

"I can't do it Zee!"

"And why the hell not?"

Louis slumped down on the sofa in exasperation.Louis and Zayn had been going around in circles all morning.Zayn was insistent that Louis take the job and so far,Louis had held his ground.Luckily,he could be quite stubborn when he wanted to.

"I thought you got it! I can't figure Harry out and I don't want to be around him."

Zayn snorted, "Is that why you spent twenty minutes in the bathroom talking last night."

Louis flushed at the memory.Last night,Harry had been....different.If that was the real Harry Louis could even see himself liking the guy.Unfortunately,Louis had come to the conclusion that the Harry Louis met last night was just another character,a mask covering his true face.He didn't want to think about the other option.

"Drop it please.Im not taking the job." Louis said,his voice harsh.

"But do you not see what a great opportunity this could be!Imagine all the contacts you could make *and* you would a credit if any newspaper write ups used your pictures.Thats huge!Don't let some personal grudge you have against this guy hold you back from doing this."  
Zayn argued,flopping down next to Louis on the couch.

Liam,who had ventured from the bedroom when he heard the commotion, nodded in agreement. "He's right.This is a huge deal.Harry is one of the most famous people on the planet.You've got to go for it."

Louis groaned.He knew his best friends had a point.He was just terrified.He needed to continue hating Harry and he was worried that if he spent anymore time with him,his ill feelings would disappear.And that was dangerous because right now,the only thing holding him back from admitting he is maybe nursing a huge crush for Harry is the hate that still lingers there.For Julia's sake,he can't take the job.

Zayn motioned to the apartment phone that was lying on the table next to them. "Ring them and just accept the job."

Louis bit his lip.

"Uhh,if it makes you feel any better you probably won't even have to spend much time with Harry.Once he comes off stage,I bet he disappears on some wild bender.If anything,the only time you'll have to see him is through the lens of a camera." Zayn pointed out.

Zayn was right,this opportunity was too big to pass up. "Fuck it.Hand me the phone." Louis announced to cheers from the other two men.

Five short minutes later Louis had the job.

********

 

Three months later,Louis was sat in the bands communal dressing room,his head in his hands.Why had he let Zayn and Liam talk him into this?

"Hey man,I'm sure your pictures will be groovy."

Louis looked up.Sarah.He offered her a bleary smile in response.The rest of the band thought Louis' behaviour was a reaction to the enormity of the gig.And while it was true that Louis couldn't believe he was the official photographer for the biggest performer in the world,what he was feeling now was more a deep longing for his bed and familiar comforts.

Since arriving on tour yesterday,Harry had barely even glanced in Louis' direction.Yes,he was well aware that that was what he had wanted all along.But he couldn't help the part of him that was drawn to Harry.He was a fucking mess and he felt sorry for anybody who had to spend time in his company.

Tonight was the first show of the Europe leg of Harry's tour and the band were in Glasgow.Outside,Louis could already hear the euphoric screams of the fans.It was funny to think that if he wasn't in here maybe he would have been out there,one of the many screaming voices.Despite being a huge fan of Harry's music,Louis had never seen him perform live.His parents had always refused to let him go because they were worried about the debauchery a young Louis might be exposed too.At least now he would get to see what all the fuss was about.

"Louis,you should probably get out there.Harry's going on in five."

Jeff,Harry's manager appeared in the doorway,signalling Louis' cue.

Grabbing his camera,he parted ways with a quick "good luck" to the band before following Jeff through the dark corridors of the arena.

"You can stand in front of the railing for tonight."  
Jeff said,once they reached the side of the stage.

Louis nodded,his jaw dropping open as he took in the sheer size of the crowd.It was surreal seeing it from this side.He had a renewed sense of respect for musicians.

Once Jeff was assured Louis knew what he was doing,he hurried off to make sure Harry was behaving himself.Louis walked around the side of the stage and sat down in front of the first row of railings,offering an apologetic smile to the fans whose view he might be obscuring.Now to wait for Harry.

Louis hadn't seen Harry for at least an hour.According to Adam,the bass player,Harry liked to lock himself in a room on his own and meditate while listening to his favourite music to prepare for the show.Seeing this crowd and how intimidating it all was,Louis couldn't say he blamed him.

Five minutes later with anticipation mounting,Harry ran onstage with his band looking like a fucking prince.Wearing a floaty silk shirt with billowing sleeves and a pair of skintight black flared trousers,Louis had never seen something so beautiful in his life.

"Hello Glasgow!" Harry roared into the mike to ear-deafening screams.

Louis shook his head and raised his camera.He wasn't sure how he was going to survive the night.

As the band settled themselves with their instruments and the first notes of the music rang out into the arena,Harry became someone else. Harry used the stage like he’d been born there. The way he moved his body was blatantly sexual and surprisingly graceful.As the set progressed,Harry loosened the ties on his shirt to the uproarious approval from the crowd and his lean stomach gleamed with sweat.Louis couldn't help but be swept up with it all.With his camera trained on Harry's face,Louis couldn't help but laugh when he pulled a particularly out there expression and he couldn't help but cry when Harry's face contorted in pain during some of his more somber songs.

“It seemed barely any time had passed before Harry was saying, “Goodnight, Glasgow!We love you!” and the band were walking off stage.

Louis stayed where he was for a few more minutes,snapping a few final pictures of a group of girls mourning the loss of their favourite rockstar before clambering up onto the stage and slipping backstage.

Back in the dressing room,Louis was struck by how many people had suddenly materialised.There was a huge spread of food laid out in the back of the room but Louis couldn't imagine eating anything with the way his stomach was flipping.Instead,he leaned against the wall and sipped on a beer as he watched the scene unfold.

On the surface, it looked like everyone was having the time of their lives. Louis couldn’t put his finger on what was wrong, but everything seemed slightly off. It was like a funhouse version of a raucous party, and he was starting to feel a little nauseous when Harry came up and put his hand on the wall next to Louis' head and leaned in close to him. In his other hand, he held a glass of whiskey, and his breath reeked of it.

"How did I do then?" Harry asked,his voice mocking and smug.

Louis flinched and turned away from him.He couldn't handle all of these different Harrys.Where had the guy from the bathroom gone?

"What do you want Harry?Praise?Because you don't need me to get that." Louis said,his voice quiet.

Harry shook his head. "Don't be a buzzkill Louis.It's a party,have fun."

Louis laughed darkly into his beer. "It's not like you're having fun either.You can't fool me."

"Fuck off Louis." Harry said sharply,removing his hand from the wall and storming over to the other side of the room.

Louis shook his head in disgust.He was sick of dealing with Harry,all he wanted to do was enjoy his beer and revel in the soft sounds of pink floyd that were emanating from the record player in the corner.

Across the room, someone had opened the door and a small crowd of people—most of them young, pretty, and male—entered the room.Harry was like a magnet as he walked toward the group of boys.He grabbed a bottle of whiskey from a table and then put his arms around two nearby groupies. Louis took the opportunity to slip out of the room and out the nearest emergency exit.The cold air was like a hard slap in the face as he lit up a cigarette and inhaled.

Fuck Harry.How could he think it was okay to just play with people like that.Louis tried to convince himself that the jealously and anger he felt was on behalf of Julia but,he knew there was another part of himself,deep down that had thought "That should be me" when he watched Harry put his arms around those groupies.

It was irrational.He'd only met Harry a handful of times and he had been almost a completely different person each meeting.Yet,Louis couldn't deny the connection he felt when he met Harry's eyes.

Louis stayed outside wallowing in his misery until the cold became too unbearable and he was forced to rejoin the party.More groupies had arrived in the time Louis had been gone and he watched as Clare pulled a young female fan onto her lap.At least the band weren't judgemental,Louis thought.It was clear anything was acceptable in the hidden dressing room.Gay,straight,trans,you name it and it was okay.A part of him wondered though how accepting they would be if a boy wanted to kiss a boy not because he was hammered and it was the 70s but because it was who he was.Here under the harsh lights of the room,homosexuality was almost fetishised.

Louis' eyes shifted away from Clare.He glanced, quickly and involuntarily, over to where Harry was shoveling coke up his nose. His eyes were glittery, and Louis knew what they’d look like when they turned on him.He wasn't surprised Harry did drugs.If anything he was surprised he hadn't witnessed it sooner.

“Which one of you beauties is with me tonight?” Harry suddenly yelled. He had a feral smile on his face, and his Manchester accent was more pronounced than usual, all glottal stops and mangled digraphs. He seemed much, much further gone than he’d been before Louis had left.

"What does a bloody rock star have to do to get his dick sucked around here?”

Louis glanced at the band,and when that failed,Jeff but nobody in the room seemed concerned about Harry's behaviour.He was spiralling and nobody gave a shit.

Swallowing the urge to help Harry sober up,Louis moved towards the little bar set up at the back of the room.He dumped some vodka and club soda into a glass and went back to his usual spot against the wall. Louis tried not to focus on anyone in particular, and especially not Harry Styles, as if his gaze might attract unwanted attention. This became much more difficult when a tall brunette fell to his knees in front of Harry, who sat with his head leaning on the back of the couch and his eyes closed. He could almost have been asleep, but his cock sprang long and hard out of his leather pants when the boy unzipped him.The tang of deja vu was sharp in his mouth.

“Hi.”

Louis blinked. His heart was pounding as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. A young woman stood in front of him, clad in bell-bottoms and a fringed vest over a beaded bikini top..  
“Hey,” he said.

“You’re Louis, right?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah. What’s your name?”

"I'm Tessa." She smiled at him. "I saw you taking pictures."

Louis nodded.His attention was still fixed on Harry.

“You want to fool around?”  
Tessa asked,finally getting his attention.

“Um…” Louis cast around for the most convincing excuse he could come up with. “I would, but I—”

“Get the fuck up,” Louis heard Harry snarl as he shoved the boy's face out of his crotch. “Jesus Christ, how hard is it to give a simple fucking blow job?” He shoved his cock back into his pants and zipped up. The boy scrambled to his feet and ran out the door, crying. The room went silent as everyone stared at the little scene. After a moment, Harry got up and poured three fingers of bourbon, drank most of it in a gulp, and threw the glass against the wall, where it shattered and sprayed brown liquid everywhere.

After that,the party was pretty much over with the mood suitably killed.Louis traipsed back onto the tour bus with the rest of the band and they headed back to the hotel they were staying at.Harry,locked himself in the bus toilet and refused to come out despite Mitch's pleading.

As Louis lay in his hotel bed that night,the fleeting thought entered his mind that maybe he had been the catalyst for Harry's little temper tantrum but just as quickly as the thought had entered his brain,Louis squashed it again.

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter Three:Paris

**Chapter Three:Paris 1975**

Over the next several days, things seemed to be on a more or less even keel. Harry continued to treat Louis like shit from time to time, but mostly ignored him. Though he seemed to be constantly under the influence of something, he somehow continued to function.

The only good thing that came from spending hours crammed into the bus was the fast friendship Louis had formed with Niall,the sound engineer on the tour.

With a shock of blond hair and a thick Irish accent,Niall had been an endless source of amusement for Louis while he moped over Harry's attitude.The man was an endless ray of sunshine and happiness and it was kind of infectious.He reminded Louis of Zayn in a way.Niall was always happy to help him prank the other team members.They had found particular amusement in hiding people's stuff.They were such a team that now,Adam was convinced a disgruntled ghost had been stealing all of his sunglasses.

So,things were looking up slightly for Louis.At least he thought so until the show in Paris.The day started off well.He had spent it wandering around Paris with Niall,stuffing his face with croissants and shopping for presents for his sisters.However,when he got back to the venue Harry was playing in that night,it was chaos.

"He freaked out when he realised you were both missing."  
Clare explained.

Louis bit his lip in confusion,taking in the upturned couch in the dressing room and the shredded fabric.Beside him,Niall laughed.

"Looks like someone's jealous."

"Shut up." Louis hissed elbowing him in the side.

"Are you giving me cheek young man?" Niall joked,adopting an uppity voice. "If you're not careful i'll put you over my knee and spank you."

Of course,Harry chose that exact moment to enter the dressing room.   
"Sounds like someone had fun in Paris."

"It was okay." Louis muttered,trying to seek out Harry's eyes.It seemed Harry would look everywhere but at Louis.

Sensing the tension in the room,Sarah clapped her hands. "Come on,let's get out there.Louis,Jeff will have a conniption if he realises you're not already in position."

Everything seemed to be fine after that.Harry performed well,not his best but,still,better than most musicians and the band had a couple of drinks after to "cool down."Louis made sure to keep his distance from Harry,leaving to head back to the hotel early,feigning a migraine.

Louis was half asleep in bed later that night when the knock came.Stumbling out of bed and opening the door,Louis couldn't help the involuntary little gasp that escaped when he saw a far from sober Harry Styles swaying at his door.

"God Harry,why are you doing this to yourself?" Louis asked,reaching out a arm to steady him.

"Why did you take this fucking job Louis?"   
Harry snapped,the maliciousness in his voice shocking Louis.

He knew Harry was obliterated and probably didn't know what he was saying but it still hurt.

"You asked me to,remember?Or did you conveniently forget that part?"

Louis wanted to slam the door in his face but he was worried that the man would be incapable of making it back to his hotel room if he did.Despite his cold words,Louis had to remind himself that there was a reason Harry's feet had brought him to Louis' room.

Sighing,Louis opened the door wider and tried to grab Harry's wrist to pull him inside, "Come on.Let me help you Harry."

Harry yanked his wrist away and staggered into Louis' room,his eyes rolling about in his head.

"If you really want to help me Louis," Harry sneered, "you'd suck my dick."

Louis' heart stopped. "Hilarious."

Harry crowded Louis back against the now closed door his face twisted and ugly.Louis had thought about this moment for years but not like this,never like this.Harry pressed his hips forward and grabbed Louis by the collar of the t-shirt he wore to bed.When he felt Harry's hardness against him,his own cock surged in response.Harry grinned wolfishly.When Louis felt Harry's fingers slipping under the fabric of his shirt,he stopped it.Stepping back. "I said no,Harry.Im not a doll that you can play with."

Harry's hand dropped away from Louis and he wobbled slightly in his stance.It struck Louis then that he looked like a lost boy.

Louis moved over to the cabinet in the corner of the hotel room and busied himself with pouring a glass of water for Harry.Once Harry had drank the glass,Louis grabbed a pillow from the bed and settled himself on the ground.

"I'm going to sleep on the floor tonight.You can take the bed." Louis said,motioning for Harry to lie down.

"Shit." Harry looked different again,softer now. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Louis let out a low whistle between his teeth as he stared at the plastered ceiling, "Beats me."

Louis fell asleep after that,his dreams filled with images of a soft broken boy with alabaster skin.  
  
********

 

  
When Louis woke up the next morning,he was surprised to see Harry still curled up in the bed sheets.He had half expected the man to do a runner in the middle of the night.Careful not to wake him,Louis eased himself up from the floor,massaging his aching back.He pulled on the first clothes he found at the top of the duffle bag,deciding that he would go and get breakfast for the two of them as the buffet in the hotel had probably stopped serving.

He located a bakery across from the hotel and ordered two coffees and a bag of pastries.It was only as he was waiting for the barista to make his coffee that he allowed himself to think about the previous night.

Louis knew he should be more angry is the thing.Right now,he should probably be on the phone to Julia,furious.Instead,here he was buying the man who had ordered him to suck his cock,pastries.Sure he was angry,but another part of himself had come to expect this side of Harry.The man was troubled and Louis just wanted to get through the rest of tour without another altercation.

When Louis got back to the room,Harry was naked,sitting up in bed with just a sheet covering his penis.He looked like shit.His hair was matted to his head and there were deep,dark circles under his eyes.

"I thought you left." Harry said quietly,his eyes following Louis as he walked over to the bed.

"I got breakfast.I wasn't sure what you liked so I got a bit of everything." Louis sat gingerly down on the bed and handed Harry the bag of pastries,his own coffee secured firmly in his grasp.

Harry peered into the bag and shook his head, "Fuck,I'm so sorry.I don't know why I did that last night.I was such a prick to you and yet you still gave up your bed and bought me breakfast."

"This is nothing.Im just doing what any decent human being would do."

Louis couldn't look Harry in the eye.He was embarrassed.There had been a moment last night when Louis had almost sunk to his knees and sucked Harry's cock.He didn't know if that made him worse.Louis had been sober.

So,Louis focused his eyes on the dark tattoos that were inked onto Harry's chest and arms.

"Can we just forget last night happened?" Harry asked,biting into a buttery croissant.

"If that's what you want." Louis dragged his eyes upwards. "But Harry,you need help."

Harry's eyes hardened and his smile dropped. "Look,I appreciate what you did last night but what I need is none of your business Louis.I just can't handle my drink,that's all."

Louis knew he should leave it.It wasn't his business and he shouldn't push it.But it was like his mouth had taken on a life of its own.   
"Why did you marry Julia?"

"What?"

Louis shook his head, "You're gay.Theres no changing that.So why would you have married a woman and condemned yourself to a life of pretending."

"I think I'm going to leave now." Harry got up from the bed and started pulling on the jeans he'd discarded on the floor.

Louis watched in silence as Harry collected his belongings.Harry did need help.It wasn't normal to switch personalities so fluidly.

"I'm not your project,Louis." Harry said before leaving the room.

*********

The second show in Paris that night went as smoothly as anyone could have hoped.Harry didn't speak to Louis but he also didn't blatantly ignore him.The band seemed relieved that the tension had been dispelled between the two.

Of course,this didn't stop Harry from getting completely fucked up.The tour team gathered in the hotel again after the show for more drinks.Louis had resigned himself to just watching the proceedings during these nightly parties as he seemed to be the only one that had no interest in the groupies.Hell,even Niall had paired himself off with some leggy French girl.

That night much to everyone's surprise,Harry steered away from the male groupies and pulled a young pretty female onto his lap.Louis watched with disgust as Harry pulled a little vial from his shirt and tapped some powder onto the girl's hand.Leaning down,he snorted the powder,kissing the intoxicated girls wrist before straightening up.

"Harry,shouldn't you slow down.That reporter from Rolling Stone will be here soon."   
Jeff said,trying to push a glass of water into Harry's hand.

Harry licked his lips. "It's rock and roll man."

Louis felt a vague wave of nausea.Clearly Louis shouldn't have voiced his worries to Harry.He wasn't ready to talk about his sexuality and all of this was just to rub Louis' face in it.

"I'm worried about him." Sarah muttered,joining Louis in the corner of the room. "I thought he was only into guys."

Louis nodded grimly. "He is."

"Julia called me the other day.Fuck,I feel awful for her."

Louis hummed in agreement.He imagined Julia at home,alone in her marital bed while Harry was here playing tonsil tennis with a girl.He felt a spike of guilt when he realised that this was the first time he had thought about Julia in a while.God,here Louis was watching Harry like a jealous partner when Harry wasn't even his in the first place.

Before they could say anything more,the _Rolling Stone_ reporter came in and Sarah had to join the rest of the band.Louis couldn't imagine things going well but,at first,things seemed to be going okay.The other band members were doing a lot of the talking and for the most part,Harry stayed silent.

Until,of course,the reporter turned to him and asked; "There’ve been some rumors floating around that the partying has gotten a little out of control. Any truth to that?”

Everyone fell silent and looked between Harry and the reporter. The tension seemed to mute all the ambient noise in the room. At least half a minute passed before anyone spoke, and then Harry relaxed and sat back, pulling the girl from before back down next to him. She giggled and pulled her feet up under her on the couch. “Bloody right it’s out of control, son,” he shouted. “You were expecting a fucking convent, perhaps? Jesus, man, is this your first day on the job?”

People laughed, and Louis was relieved, but it still seemed like things had come too close to ending with another meltdown. The reporter—a kid barely out of college who was clearly enthralled by the scene around him—ended up getting stoned with the band and didn’t ask too many questions after that. Louis left when he realized no one was going to notice, and decided to grab a couple drinks in the hotel bar.

Louis figured he at least deserved a celebratory drink he’d actually be able to enjoy. He sat down at the hotel bar—empty except for a guy at a table by the wall—ordered a beer, and tried not to think about what had happened backstage, or the show, or the tour. More than anything else, he didn’t want to think about Harry Styles; he was exhausted from having to think so much about him or walk on eggshells around him. And then there was the incident in his hotel room that Louis could almost convince himself had never happened.

“A lot on your mind, huh?”

Startled, Louis looked up. The man he’d seen when he first came in had taken a seat on the stool next to him. Close up, he looked like he was maybe thirty, dark-haired, with thick sideburns—nothing special, but not bad looking—and he was wearing a plaid jacket and a gold wedding band. “You could say that.”

“Want to talk about it?” the man asked.

Louis briefly met the guy’s eyes and got the confirmation he was looking for. Suddenly, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to go upstairs with this married stranger on a business trip. Louis wasn’t going to lie to himself. He’d resolved long ago that he’d lie to other people when necessary, but he would always be honest with himself.

“Not really,” Louis said. “I’m Gary.” He held out his hand to shake.

“Ken,” the guy said. “Can I buy you another drink?”

“Actually, I should be heading up to my room. I have to travel in the morning.”

“Smart man. I believe I’ll follow your lead on that one; I have a long day tomorrow, too. Your drinks are on me. Let me settle up, and I’ll ride up with you.”

Louis smiled, and Ken, or whatever his real name was, signaled for the check. The bartender seemed pretty clear on what was happening, but not too surprised.Louis imagined this must happen all the time.For once,he could actually see where Harry was coming from.

They rode the elevator up together. Ken didn’t bother to push a button for a floor, and when they got to the ninth, the doors opened.

"Well, this is me,”Louis said, and walked into the hall.

Ken hesitated until Louis turned around and raised his eyebrows at him. He followed Louis to his room and leaned against the wall as Louis unlocked the door. “I don’t usually do this.”

“Damn, I hope that’s a lie,” Louis said. “I don’t want to waste my time.”   
He pushed the door open.

Ken grinned. “Well, maybe once or twice.”

“That’s better,” Louis said.

He kicked the door shut, and walked over and put his hands on Ken’s hips. They kissed, and it felt long overdue.Ken was unbuttoning Louis' ridiculous flowered shirt—he’d bought it specifically for the tour and still felt self-conscious in it—when someone pounded hard on the door.

Ken froze and whispered, “What the fuck?”

"Louis."

"Fuck." Louis hissed.

"Louis open the fucking door.I know you're in there." Harry shouted,banging on the door with a strength that was surprising for someone so skinny.

"Who's that?" Ken whispered. "Is that your boyfriend or something?He sounds exactly like Harry Styles."

"Yeah,” Louis groaned. “I mean, no. Not my boyfriend. Shut up. Don’t make any noise and he might go away.”

Harry pounded again. “I know you’re in there, arsehole!”

“Bloody Hell."Louis sighed. He walked to the door and opened it just enough to see through.

Harry was standing in the hall holding a bottle of vodka with a manic smile on his face. “I knew you were in there.”

“Go away,” Louis said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Louis couldn't deal with a repeat of last night.He'd a few drinks and he wasn't sure he had the willpower.

“Don’t want to see you then. Want to see you now.” He was slurring badly, but the leer on his face was clear enough.

“That’s not going to happen. Go back to your room, man.”

“I’d rather be in your room.” Harry pushed through the door, catching Louis off guard. He stumbled into the room and stopped short when he caught sight of Ken, who was standing awkwardly by the bed.

"Who the fuck are you, mate?”

“Uh…” Ken looked stunned. He licked his lips and glanced toward the door.

“Listen, it’s late,” he said.

Louis nodded at him, and he left the room as quickly as he could without actually running.

“He was right,” Louis said. “It is late. I’m going to bed. Get out of my room.”

“Doesn’t look like you two got very far,” Harry sneered. “You ought to still be up for something.”

“What, like sucking your cock?I think I’d rather go ahead and cut to the chase. I want you to leave me alone.”

“Hey”—Harry's voice was suddenly softer, conciliatory—“you’re right. That was out of bounds.”

Stepping in closer, he put his hands on Louis' shoulders and walked him backwards toward the bed. “Won’t happen again.” Without looking at Louis' face, he leaned in to nuzzle at his neck.

Louis' better judgment wavered, but the smell of alcohol on Harry's hot breath brought him back to reality. “Stop,” he said. “You’re wasted. You don’t want this."

Harry slid his hand down Louis' arm, held his wrist and pulled it between his legs. “Does it feel like I don’t want it?”

Henry pulled out of his grasp. “What exactly do you think? I like guys, so I should be up for it with anyone who has a dick? You think you’re doing me a fucking favor?”

“No,” Harry said. “I think you want me.And I want you.Am I wrong?”

“Not like this."

Harry kissed him, slipping his fingers into Louis' hair and wrapping an arm around his waist.Louis broke the kiss stumbling back.

It was a bad idea. That much was blatantly obvious. The problem was Louis didn’t care anymore.Louis was too drunk to care.He was still angry, but right now all he wanted was Harry's soft lips and long, elegant fingers on the rest of his body.

When Louis faltered,Harry kissed him again, and an embarrassing, helpless sound escaped Louis' throat. He sat on the bed and pulled Harry down with him, pushed him over onto his back and straddled his thighs. Harry's eyes were wide, staring up at Louis, and his mouth hung slightly open. He looked beautiful.

“Fuck,” Louis breathed. He had Harry Styles underneath him on his hotel bed, and he had the strangest feeling he could get him to agree to almost anything in that moment.

He unzipped and took his cock out of his pants, stroking it slowly as he watched Harry's face.”You're so beautiful Harry,so beautiful.But,the way you keep showing up here at night,drunk, makes me think you don't really want to touch me."

Harry licked his lips and kept staring, almost hypnotized. “No, I do. Let me—”

“Okay,” Louis said. “Show me, then.”

Harry reached for Louis' cock, but he stopped him. “Not on me. On you.”

Harry narrowed his eyes—like Louis was trying to trick him. “You only want me to wank?”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, actually.”

“Then what do I need you for?”

“To watch,” Louis said.

Harry's mouth dropped open slightly, but he didn’t take his eyes off Louis' face. He unzipped his pants and groaned softly as he touched himself.  
“Have you ever had a cock in your mouth?” Louis asked. Harry's face flushed, and he averted his eyes. Louis took that as a yes, which surprised him more than it should have.He expected Harry to be one of those closet cases that would only receive blowjobs so he could close his eyes and tell himself later it was a girl. "You liked it,didn't you?"

“I know what you’re doing.” Harry's cheeks were still flushed, and his erection was raging, but his eyes flashed with anger. “You’re still in a strop about the other morning, and you’re trying to get back at me.”

Louis glanced down at Harry's crotch. “Doesn’t seem like you mind too much.”

He reached down to push Harry's shirt up, lightly pinching each of his nipples. Harry's fist brushed against louis' stomach as he jerked himself faster.Louis sat back and watched as Harry began to pant, his eyes drifting shut.He wasn't sure when but,somehow all of the power had been transferred to him.

"Makes me wonder what else you’d like,” Louis said.

“Oh god,” Harry grunted, just before he came onto his stomach.

Louis swiped his hand through the come and used it to lube himself up. He came quickly, adding to the mess, and laughed breathily.

"See? I took care of it all by myself.”

He climbed off Harry and walked to the bathroom. Returning with a wet cloth, he looked down at the man,still sprawled there, and tossed it onto the bed.   
“I’m getting in the shower. Stay or go, up to you.”

Louis was utterly unsurprised to find him gone when he came out of the bathroom ten minutes later, and maybe a little bit relieved. He sank down onto the bed and pulled the covers up to his neck. The day felt like a year, and all he wanted was sleep, but it took him a long time to quiet his mind enough to drift off.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter Four:Amsterdam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this fic.I know I'm not the best writer but I hope you're all enjoying it anyway.Feel free to leave me any suggestions in the comments.

**Chapter Four:Amsterdam 1975**

"-And so then this nutcase bites my cock and I was like..Louis?Are you even listening to me?"

Louis lifted his head and smiled apologetically at Niall. "Sorry I'm just a little tired."

They were all sat in the tour bus,Niall and Louis having claimed the seats at the back.On the five hour bus journey to their next stop Louis had planned on sorting through some of the pictures he had taken but,every time he tried,his mouth went dry.Harry was a God,a walking,talking messiah and Louis was so,so fucked.

From his seat,Louis could see Harry sprawled out near the front of the bus,talking lowly with Mitch.They still hadn't talked about last night and it was eating Louis up inside.He didn't know what had come over him.All of this anger and frustration at Harry had just bubbled up inside of him and he became a different person.

He was particularly cut up about Julia.He was meant to be her friend and he had betrayed her.He wasn't sure he would ever be able to look her in the eye again.But,Louis also felt that in some dysfunctional way,Harry needed him more.

"You should talk to him." Niall said,following Louis' eyes to the back of Harry's head.

Louis hadn't told Niall what had happened even though he was sure he wouldn't judge.But,Niall was alarmingly perceptive.

"It's better if I don't." Louis mumbled. "He always gets upset."

"I think he cares about you but the feeling is so alien to him that he panics."

Louis shrugged,unwilling to contribute anything more to the conversation.After a while,Louis abandoned his camera and drifted into a fitful sleep.

When he woke,Niall was gone and Harry had gravitated to the seat in front of Louis.Lethargically,Louis rummaged through his duffel bag and extracted a his favourite book-a selected book of poems by Kenneth Rexroth.Not many people had heard of him but Louis had been introduced to his poems by Liam and fallen in love with his writing almost immediately.

Louis settled down with his book and let the words wash over him.He was so engrossed that he didn't even notice the paperback was being pulled from his hands until it was gone.

"What are you doing?"  
Louis demanded,turning to Harry in indignation.

Harry glanced at the cover of the book and then handed it back to Louis. "You like Kenneth Rexroth then?"

"He's okay."

"Come here." Harry motioned for Louis to move closer and like a puppet on a string,he did.

Releasing hot breath into the shell of Louis' ear,Harry whispered;  
"Darling,darling,darling  
The future is long gone by  
And the past will never happen  
We have only this  
Our one forever  
So small so infinite  
So brief so vast  
Immortal as our hands that touch  
Deathless as the fire lit wine we drink  
Almighty as this single kiss  
That has no beginning  
That will never  
Never  
End"

Louis pulled away,dazed and looked at Harry with wide eyes. "How?"

The corners of Harry's mouth pulled upwards so Louis could see the dimples in his cheeks. "You're not the only one who likes to read."

Louis shook his head.He didn't know how to fit this Harry in with all of the Harry's he's met.Harry was slowly starting to unravel his mind.  
Of course Harry had to ruin the tentative silence that had been growing between them by speaking.  
"That bloke last night. Did you tell him?"

“Tell him what?” Louis asked,disappointed.He wished he could just talk about poetry with Harry forever.Leave reality behind. "You mean that we wanked in front of each other and then you left?"

“Well, did you?”

“No, man. I wouldn’t do that to anyone.Especially not you."

Harry slumped a little in his seat. “What do you want with someone like that, anyway? Some married insurance salesman in polyester slacks?”

Louis glared at him. “Oh, you think I can do better? Well, I don’t see any pretty boys backstage offering up their asses to me, do you? The others don't know I'm gay and I want to keep in that way."

Harry frowned. "Why?The band see me hooking up with groupies all the time and don't have a problem with it."

"It's different for you.You're a rockstar.You're meant to be up for experimentation.Besides,they don't even know you're gay.As far as they're concerned you just prefer men but have a nice wife to keep you company at home."

"I'm not gay." Harry snapped.

Louis rolled his eyes, "Right,so that's why you showed up at my door last night for the second time when you could have just fucked that groupie."

Harry pursed his lips together into a thin line.He knew he was caught there. "Just leave me alone,Louis."

Louis slumped down in his seat again and returned to reading his book. "Happily." He didn't bother to remind Harry that it was him who was constantly seeking Louis out and not the other way around.

If Harry wanted to be left alone,Louis would do just that.

***********

Pandemonium ensued when the tour bus pulled up outside the arena in Amsterdam.Gaggles of girls clustered around the bus,desperate for a glimpse of the rockstar.As Louis watched Harry bound down the steps of the bus,he had to bite down the urge to warn the girls off-he wasn't half as cool as they thought he was.

Before Louis had met Harry he'd been expecting this charming,beautiful,philanthropic superhuman.So far Harry had only met one of those expectations-beautiful.

"How is everybody?" Harry said,addressing the girls.

Louis rolled his eyes.He knew the whole bravado was for show and he was sick of it.Pushing his way through the crowd,Louis escaped to the side of the venue.He was lighting up his 20th cigarette of the day when he heard a short cough beside him.

There was a man-roughly the same age as Louis,tall,with dark mysterious eyes.He was crouched in a little alcove between the fire exit and the door,a cigarette dangling from his mouth.Louis thought he looked vaguely familiar,maybe one of the guys who set up the stage.

"Sorry,I didn't think anybody was back here." Louis said,his eyes trailing the stubble that lined his jaw.

The man nodded,standing up from his perch to join Louis. "It's okay.I'm pretty good at hiding."

"I don't blame you for hiding," Louis gestured in the general direction of Harry and the crowd, "Sometimes it all gets too much.I don't know how he stands it."

"I mean I don't think he can stand it.I stumbled upon him crying into the sleeve of his shirt backstage the other night."

"You a roadie?" Louis asked,trying not to linger on the idea of Harry crying.He was meant to be forgetting Harry,he couldn't feel pity for him now.

The man lifted the lanyard that was resting under his t-shirt, "Yep.I know who you are.It's hard not to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're pretty." the man said plainly.Louis wished he had the guts to be so courageous.

"I'm Louis." Louis held out his hand,flushing slightly when the man met his eye.

"Nate."

Louis lingered,talking to Nate for another twenty minutes after that before he eventually remembered he had work to do.It was nice,being wanted.He had been sure he was the only gay man in the crew (well,apart from Harry but that was still to be determined.) so it was nice to have someone who understood him.He had missed flirting.

Niall was waiting in the dressing room for him.Harry and the band were busy rehearsing so Niall was alone in the room,his hands cradling the back of his head as he rested on one of the many couches.

"Where did you disappear to?"

"Talking to Nate." Louis knew Niall would know the man.Niall had taken it upon himself to personally meet every single person on the crew.

Niall wrinkled his nose. "What would you want to be talking to him for?"

Louis was surprised at Niall's reaction.He had thought the man was incapable of disliking anyone. "He seemed pretty cool."

"There's something about him I don't trust."

Louis was flummoxed.Did Niall know Nate was gay? Louis was sure Niall wasn't a homophobe,he wouldn't be friends with him if he suspected that.But he was from a pretty Catholic background.

"Well I liked him." Louis said,carefully.

Niall shrugged,ultimately ending the conversation. "It's my birthday today."

Louis' mouth dropped,and he stared back at Niall with wide eyes. "What?Why didn't you tell me!"

"It's always sorta been a sore topic.My parents split when I was a kid so birthdays were always fucking awkward."

"We should do something."

Niall shook his head. "No,I don't even know why I told you.My family always forget and I'm away from all my friends.Guess I was just feeling sorry for myself."

Louis ruffled Niall's hair fondly. "Aww Nialler,that's exactly why we have to do something.Cheer you up."

"I don't know."

"Come on.We can go to a pub or something."

Niall sighed. "I get the feeling I don't really have much of a choice here."

"That's the spirit!"

*********

Louis and a slightly reluctant Niall,accompanied by a handful of the crew strolled down to the bar district in Amsterdam that night.Louis subtlety steered the group away from the red light district,despite a few of the men's suggestions and they settled in a small Irish run pub.

Louis hadn't bothered to invite Harry so,he had stayed back at the hotel with Mitch and Jeff,probably getting high and trashing the place.Not that Louis cared what Harry was up to.He didn't,he absolutely could not give a damn.Or at least,that's what he was trying to tell himself.

Louis wedged himself into one of the beer stained booths between Niall and Sarah,who was having boy problems,more specifically-Mitch problems.

"I just can't bloody tell what he's thinking." Sarah said,knocking back a good portion of her beer.

"Well,why don't you ask him then?" Louis suggested.He had been listening to Sarah for the past hour now and he was getting slightly fed up.

"I can't do that! What if he turns me down and then we're stuck on this tour together!"

Niall leaned across the booth, "I'm pretty sure he wouldn't turn you down Sarah.He'd have to be a fool.Everybody knows female drummers are fucking sexy."

"Are you hitting on me,Niall James Horan?" Sarah said,a smile on her face now.

"Maybe.It is my birthday after all."

Louis listened to the conversation half heartedly,his eyes scanning the customers in the pub.Nate was sat at the bar alone,a beer in his hand.Louis didn't understand why Nate wouldn't sit with the rest of the crew.Maybe he was shy or,maybe he felt he didn't fit in.Louis could relate.

"Guys,I'm just going to get another drink.Want anything?" Louis asked the table,sliding out of his seat.

Collecting the various drink orders,Louis made his way to the bar.He clumsily half-jumped onto the bar stool next to Nate. "You okay?"

Nate turned his head,searching Louis' face. "You probably think I'm a freak."

"I don't think that."

"I'm not used to being in this kind of environment."

Louis nodded.He got it. "Well,if we got you drunker would that make things easier?"

Nate laughed. "Perhaps."

"In that case,lets get fucked."

Louis spent the next couple of hours getting progressively drunker.As the consumption of alcohol increased,so too did the crews spirits.As Louis predicted,even Nate joined in on the merriment once he'd had a few vodkas.

At around two in the morning,they were kicked out of the pub and left to stumble along the streets of Amsterdam.Louis had one arm slung around Niall and around slung around Nate and the three of them were singing Irish tunes at the top of their lungs.Ahead of them,Sarah and Clare had their heads turned together and were giddily whispering.Louis couldn't remember a day when he had felt so content,so happy.

When they arrived at the hotel,the group disbanded.Niall crawled away to his room and the rest of the group peeled away too.It was just Nate and Louis left,standing in the lobby.

"Do you want to come up to my room?I don't think I'd be able for much with the state I'm in but we can sleep." Louis offered,nervously.He liked Nate.Maybe he didn't get the nervous butterflies he got when he was around Harry but Nate was cool and Louis wanted to get to know him better.

"Sure."

Nate and Louis staggered into the elevator,a mess of limbs and giggles.Nate moved into Louis' space,his eyes black and hungry.It struck Louis as a little predatory.But in that moment,he didn't care.

Nate closed the distance and latched his lips onto Louis'.The kiss was messy.Nate was a little too aggressive with his tongue and Louis found him a little slobbery.He felt like he was getting the kiss of life.It was nothing like the moments he and Harry had shared.

When the doors to the elevator opened,Nate was still kissing Louis and he probably wouldn't have stopped,if they hadn't heard the sharp intake of breath behind them.Harry.

Harry was slumped against Louis' door,his eyes red rimmed and his hair a dishevelled mess.On the carpet beside him was a hip flask.

"What are you doing,Harry?" Louis asked,pulling away from Nate and stepping towards Harry.

Harry shook his head,struggling to pull himself up.Louis could see tears glistening in his eyes and he felt a stab of pain for the boy.

"I didn't realise you had company." Harry said,pointedly,eying Nate with a sour expression on his face.

"We can talk if you need to."

Louis wasn't sure why he said it.He was meant to be staying away from Harry.But there was something about him,no matter how badly he treated Louis,he couldn't resist him.Louis had always been a sucker for pretty boys with darkness in their eyes.

Nate placed his hand on Louis' arm,an action that did not go unnoticed by Harry. "I'm sure he can handle whatever it is,right Harry."

Harry nodded,already moving away. "Bye Louis."

With the mood suitably killed,Louis and Nate stripped in silence.When Louis climbed into the bed,he could feel Nate's eyes on him.

"I don't want to do anything tonight." Louis mumbled,regretting the decision to ever invite Nate into his bed.Harry probably thought they were going to fuck.

"That's okay."

Louis rolled over so his back was to Nate and fixed his eyes on the slice of moonlight that was cutting into the room through the gap in the curtains.He couldn't help but think of Harry.Where had he gone? Was he out there now,alone,with only the moon for company?

Louis squeezed his eyes shut,wiping away the tears that had started to form in his eyes and willed himself to sleep.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter Five:Germany,Dublin &Milan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than usual and one of my favourites-enjoy!

**Chapter Five:Germany,Dublin and Milan**

Following the night in Amsterdam,Louis and Nate began to spend more time together.Despite Niall's initial misgivings,he had warmed to Nate a little and the three men started to hang around together between shows.

Nights, they spent in Louis' bed together.It wasn't that Louis was exactly besotted with Nate,it was just that he was lonely and needed something to take his mind off of Harry.It was easy with Nate,as long as he didn't try anything.Since the night in the elevator,Louis had managed to dodge all of Nate's advances.He knew he was being cruel.Avoiding any intimacy but at the same time craving companionship.

Harry had also started avoiding Louis.He didn't seek him out at night and he didn't try to antagonise him during the day.Louis almost missed it now that he had nothing.

The show in Germany marked the halfway point of the European tour.Everybody had started getting restless with the monotony of tour life.Adam was missing his wife and kids and Niall was missing his fridge-it was tough.

Harry had also grown increasingly erratic.He was prone to disappearing and reappearing seconds before he was due to go onstage,nearly always buzzed from whatever he had taken.Most of the crew had grown tired of the parties after shows and the majority of people just headed straight to bed each night.Except of course,Harry,who insisted on behaving raucously and obnoxiously.The crew and band had grown tired of his behaviour and the only people he had left were Jeff and Mitch.

So,it was with subdued emotions that the crew congregated in the dressing room after the show.Jeff had called a talk.Louis was sitting on the floor,his camera in his hand as he scanned through the pictures he had taken that night.They were good and would almost certainly be picked up by local newspapers.On either side of him,Niall and Nate were in similar positions.Across the room,Harry was slumped against the wall,a glare etched onto his face.Louis couldn't help but notice how separate he looked from the rest of the crew.

"Thank you all for agreeing to meet me." Jeff started,his face grim. "Look,I'm not going to beat around the bush.Somebody has been stealing.Several things from the tour bus and Harry's own cases have gone missing and I want to get to the bottom of it."

Louis was surprised.He thought all of the crew were pretty upstanding people and he didn't think any of them were capable of what Jeff was saying.

"What things?" Niall piped up.

Jeff scratched the back of his neck. "Designer clothes,money,some monogrammed items."

"Are you sure Harry didn't just lose them? He's out of it most of the time." Nate said to murmured agreement.

Harry lifted away from the wall,his eyes flashing with hurt and anger. "Oi!Of course I didn't lose them.I know one of you lot took them."

Louis believed him.His hands itched with the need to reach out and comfort him.Here he was,alone and isolated from the rest of the crew.Slowly,everybody had turned their backs on him and now he had no one.

"Are you certain?" Jeff asked,looking at Harry pleadingly.He didn't want to cause a hassle and it was clear he was uncomfortable.

"Of course I'm bloody certain."

"I don't believe you." Nate said,calmly.He had his hand resting on Louis' waist and Louis wanted nothing more in that moment than to move it.

"Sorry Harry mate but,I'm with Nate." Niall added,ignoring the look Louis shot him.

"Me too." Sarah added and the rest of the band except Mitch nodded.

Harry's eyes scanned the crew,his face crumpling.Louis couldn't allow this to happen,Harry needed him.Standing up,he said; "High or not,I think Harry would know if his clothes had gone missing.I think everybody here knows how protective he is of them."

Louis met Harry's glistening eyes as he spoke and he smiled softly,a private smile just for him.

Nate tore his hand away from Louis' waist and turned to him. "Why are you defending him?"

"Because no one else will."

Jeff clapped his hands,putting a stop to the whispering that had erupted throughout the group. "Okay.Calm down everybody.Maybe we should look into this more before we get worked up about it."

Harry tore from the room,practically ripping the door from its hinges as he went.Louis longed to run after him but he knew it would look suspicious.Nobody could know about the night he and Harry had shared.Nobody.

"I don't get why you didn't side with me." Nate said,his expression bitter, "The guy is clearly an addict.I wouldn't trust a word out of his mouth."

"Things aren't always so black and white,Nate." Louis replied wearily.

Across the room,a similar conversation was being had among the band.Clearly everybody thought Harry had gone nuts.

"I just hope we get through this tour." Niall mused from beside the pair.

"He mightn't if this carries on," Louis pointed out. "We should be trying to help him,provide a support network for him.Its counterproductive to ice him out."

Nate didn't say anything but Louis could tell from the expression on his face that he wasn't happy with him.

That night,wrapped up in the sheets,Nate addressed his thoughts. "Is something going on between you and Harry?"

Louis tried not to act suspicious as he answered, "No,why?"

"It's just-one minute you're hiding from him,saying it's all too much and the next you're fighting in his corner.And then there was that night when he was outside your door."  
Nate said,running a curious hand down Louis' bare thigh.

Louis tried not to flinch away.What was it about Nate that didn't attract him?He was good looking and most importantly,single.Yet,something squirmed in his stomach every time Nate broached anything romantic.

"I feel bad for him,that's all." Louis said.

"Look,am I wasting my time here?Sometimes I think you don't like me at all."

Louis swallowed down all of his doubts,leaned in and kissed Nate firmly on the mouth, "I like you."

***********

In Dublin,Nate insisted on taking Louis on a date.

They had been "seeing" each other for a couple of weeks and Nate was getting impatient.So far,all they'd done was kiss and Nate had attempted to give Louis a sloppy blowjob but Louis couldn't get hard.

At this stage,Louis knew he saw Nate as nothing more than a friend.He just didn't want to let the guy down so he kept going along with it.Another small part of him,liked having someone around to lavish attention on him and pay him compliments.He supposed that probably made him a bad person.

Niall had recommended a restaurant in the city and Louis was getting ready for the date in his room when Harry popped his head around the door.

"Louis,I oh-" Harry stopped in the centre of the room,his eyes roaming Louis' tight flared trousers and unbuttoned shirt. "Am I interrupting something?"

Louis put down the hair brush he'd been dragging through his hair. "No,I'm just going to dinner with Nate."

"Like a date?" Harry asked,his expression unreadable.

"Yeah,just don't tell anybody else that."

"Oh."

Harry lingered in the room,his eyes lowering to fix onto the beige hotel carpet.Louis thought he looked like a little boy who'd just been told Father Christmas wasn't real. "Are you okay,Harry?"

"What?" Harry lifted his head to meet Louis' eyes, "Oh..I just wanted to say thank you for defending me the other day.I appreciated it."

"You don't have to say thanks.To be honest,I was half expecting you to shout at me for not leaving you alone." Louis said,remembering the day on the bus.

Harry flinched. "Am I really that bad?"

Louis was trying to come up with a suitable reply when Nate strolled into the room,a bottle of wine in his hands. "What are you doing here,Harry?"

Harry held up his hands in defeat.He looked disappointed.A part of Louis was disappointed too. "I'm leaving."

Louis nodded his head,not trusting himself to speak.He watched Harry slip out the door with a sinking feeling in his gut.

Dinner that night was uneventful.Louis let Nate do most of the talking while he hummed his assent every now and then.It was weird but now that Nate had Louis,he had become quite the chatterbox.Louis often struggled to shut him up these days.

Later,when they returned to the hotel,Nate invited Louis up to his room and Louis agreed.It was becoming something of a habit and Louis was having a hard time breaking it.

"I'm just going to have a quick shower." Nate said,after he opened the room door and offered Louis a glass of wine.

"Sure." Louis plopped down on the bed and kicked off his shoes.He knew Nate was expecting something to happen tonight.He had planned this whole date and been nothing but a perfect gentleman,the least he was expecting was sex.

Louis was just contemplating jumping from the window when he spotted a splash of colour poking out of Nate's suitcase in the corner.He only ever wore white or black so Louis was instantly curious.He couldn't deny that a part of himself was also suspicious.Setting down his glass of wine and padding over to the suitcase,Louis lifted the lid carefully.

His suspicions were confirmed when he pulled the item out.It was undeniably Harry's Pink Floyd t shirt.Louis remembered an interview with a magazine that Harry did where he explained the importance of said t-shirt.He had found it in a shop with his dad and continued to treasure it even though it was now too small.Louis felt the anger growing in the pit of his stomach as he imagined Harry ransacking his room in search of this very t-shirt.

Keeping the t-shirt clutched in his hand,Louis continued to search through the case.He found three more of Harry's shirts and a sheepskin coat.Louis couldn't believe Nate was capable of this.He had let the crew turn on Harry,even stoking the fire himself while all along he had all this stuff hidden in his case.

Louis was furious.Quietly,he put the clothes back where he'd found them and climbed into the bed.He couldn't leave now and risk Nate fleeing before Harry got his things back and he couldn't confront him in case he was dangerous.The only real solution Louis had was to pretend to be asleep and run off to find Harry first thing in the morning when Nate left.

When the flow of water stopped from the bathroom,Louis pulled the duvet up to his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Louis?" Nate stepped out of the bathroom and moved over to Louis' side of the bed.Louis could feel his breath on the side of his face,he was that close.

"Are you asleep?"

Louis didn't reply.He just focused on keeping his breathing even.

Eventually,Nate retreated with a sigh and climbed into his side of the bed.Louis had to fight down his revulsion at being so close to someone who had caused Harry pain. He waited until Nate's breathing became heavier before he thanked God.

The next morning,Louis woke with Nate attached to his back,his morning wood dangerously close to the cleft of Louis' ass.

"Good morning." Nate whispered,kissing the back of Louis' neck, "You fell asleep pretty early last night."

Louis didn't want to talk to this man.All he wanted was to shove him away and get as far away from him as possible.Unfortunately,he had a plan to follow through with. "Yeah,I'm sorry.I think I was just so tired from the whole day.I really loved dinner."

"Me too." Nate said,finally rolling away from Louis,much to his relief.

"Well,I'm meeting Niall for a coffee in the cafe across the road so I'd better get going." Louis said,pulling on his pants from last night with as much nonchalance as possible.

"Do you want me to come?"

Louis bit his lip, "Don't you have to pack up the tour bus?"

"Yeah." Nate groaned, "Don't remind me.You have fun anyway."

Louis leaned over and kissed Nate quickly on the lips and then,finally,made his exit.

It was still only seven but Louis knew that Harry had trouble sleeping and would probably be awake so he had no qualms knocking on his hotel door.When Louis felt the familiar butterflies fluttering their wings in his stomach,he had to firmly remind himself that this visit was purely to help Harry get his stuff back.

"Coming." Harry's muffled voice came from behind the door.

Louis shuffled uncomfortably from side to side,clenching and unclenching his fists.When Harry opened the door,he was shirtless with just a towel wrapped around his waist and his lovely hair was sopping wet,rivulets of water rolling down his shoulders and chest.It was a wonder Louis didn't faint right there.

"Can we talk?" Louis asked quickly.

Harry stared back at him for a moment with wide eyes before ushering him inside. "Is something wrong?"

Louis sat down gingerly on Harry's unmade bed. "I know who stole your things."

"What? Who?" Harry was surprised.Like he had been expecting Louis to show up at his door for another reason.

"Nate."

Harry whistled. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

Louis felt guilty.Guilty that he had been spending time with someone who obviously had some kind of agenda.Niall had been right all along.

"How did you find out?" Harry asked,sitting down carefully next to Louis.He still had no shirt on and Louis was finding it hard to focus on his face.

"I looked through his case while he was in the shower." Louis said.

"Well,I mean,you know I'm going to have to fire him,right?"

"I hadn't really thought about that part."

Realistically,Louis knew Nate couldn't continue to work on the tour.The man was clearly a pathological liar and thief but Louis had begun to rely on him.Nate was a distraction from Harry.Without him,Louis was afraid what he might do.

"I'm kind of dreading it now." Harry muttered.

Louis turned to him,their eyes locking, "Why aren't you more angry about this?"

Louis had expected Harry to spin into a rage.Maybe seek Nate out and throw a punch or two.What he hadn't been expecting was this quiet,contemplative man.

"I probably deserved it." Harry said slowly, "Everybody here hates me."

Louis nudged shoulders with him, "Not true.I don't hate you."

"Even after I was a dick to you?"

"Even after that."

A small smile bloomed on Harry's face and it made Louis' insides warm to think that maybe he was the cause of it.

"How do you want to do this? With Nate?" Harry asked.

"We need to confront him,get your stuff back." Louis said,fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "Jeff should come too,for backup."

Harry nodded. "What's going on between the two of you,anyway?"

"We were kind of seeing each other,I guess." Louis made a face.

"You don't like him?"

"I like him fine as a friend,just not as-"

"-a life partner." Harry finished for him.

Louis didn't know why that made him blush.There was just something in Harry's voice-a wistfulness.

"Anyway,we should probably do it now.Nate has to go and help the other guys at eight."

They made their way back to Nate's room,having roused a very sleepy Jeff.Nate had given Louis his spare room card and when he produced it,Harry's eyes hardened slightly, "I thought it wasn't serious?"

"Shh." Louis opened the door and called out for Nate.He was standing near the wardrobe,surveying the few items he had hung there.

"Hey." He said when he spotted Louis.Then,when he noticed Harry and Jeff standing awkwardly in the doorway,"What's going on?"

"This isn't a big deal but we're doing searches of people's bags and you're next on our list." Jeff lied.

Nate's face drained of colour as he gaped at the three men. "That's absurd!I thought everybody had agreed Harry was mistaken."

"It's protocol." Jeff said,already moving towards Nate's case.

"I mean can you give me a fucking second to get dressed?"

Louis could see the cogs turning in Nate's head.He was frantic now.Like an animal cornered. "Nate,it'll only take a minute."

Harry had yet to speak but Louis could feel his gaze on the side of his face.He didn't know what to do with a Harry that wasn't obnoxious and didn't command attention.It made him antsy.

Jeff opened the case and sure enough,Harry's Pink Floyd t shirt was lying where Louis had left it last night.The silence in the room was suffocating as Jeff pulled out the rest of Harry's clothes and set them on the bed.

"I don't know how they got there." Nate protested weakly.

"Cut the crap.Why'd you do it?" Harry said.

Nate shook his head,refusing to answer.Louis stepped towards him and placed a hand on his arm,trying to ignore the heat of Harry's gaze on his back. "Just tell the truth,Nate."

Nate looked at Louis for a second,deciding and then he nodded, "Fine I took them."

"Why?"

"It's just you,man." Nate waved his hand at Harry, "You've got this perfect life and this beautiful wife.And then I see the way you and Lou are together.I'm so fucking jealous."

Louis blanched,his head instantly swivelling in Jeff's direction.If it wasn't clear enough already,his sexuality was now blatantly obvious.Louis didn't risk looking at Harry.Nate had basically revealed Louis' weird crush on the rockstar.If Louis looked at him now he knew all he'd see was pity.

"I think I'm gonna go." Jeff said,clearing his throat, "Find me later,Haz."

Once Jeff had hurried from the room,Harry turned back to Nate. "How could you be jealous of me?The only thing I've got going for me is money and everybody knows that doesn't mean shit."

"I just wanted you to look at me just once like you looked at him.Why couldn't you do that,Louis?" Nate said,choosing to ignore Harry.

"I'm sorry."

Fuck.Louis was sorry.He'd messed Nate around when really all he wanted was Harry.Basically,this whole thing was Louis' fault.Nate would never have lost his job if he hadn't gotten involved with Louis.Instead of the disgust he had earlier felt for Nate,he felt a great amount of remorse and guilt.

"Mate,you're going to have to leave." Harry said.

Nate smiled bitterly. "I bet you're fucking delighted.You've got me out of the picture now so you can make your move."

Louis looked at Harry in confusion.The other man had flushed a bright red. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Take care,Louis." Nate said,patting Louis on the arm in farewell, "You were always too good for me."

Harry and Louis left Nate in his hotel room with the warning that he had to be gone within the hour and they returned to Harry's room,stolen clothes in tow.

"You happy you got your stuff back?" Louis asked,desperate to break the silence that was festering between them.

Harry shrugged,rubbing the fabric of his Pink Floyd t shirt.Something was bothering him.Louis had never seen the man so subdued.Then again,that was probably because he'd never seen him sober.

"I want to be friends." Harry said suddenly.

"What?"

"I see how you are with Niall and even,Nate and I want that too."

Louis was surprised.He thought Harry wanted to keep his distance not be mates. "What happened to leaving you alone?"

"I didn't really mean it." Harry said. "I think I need to stop pushing people away.Mitch and I were talking and we've decided to cut back on the parties.I keep remembering what I said to that reporter and thinking,fuck that's not the message I want to send to people."

Louis struggled to believe him.It was all well and good saying that now but what would happen when drugs and alcohol were pushed under his nose,Louis doubted the other man would be able to resist.All the same,Louis was willing to take Harry's claims at face value for now.

"Well,in that case,when the bus gets into Milan tomorrow Niall and I were planning on going exploring.Would you like to join us?"

Harry's face practically lit up like a Christmas tree, "I'd love that."

************

  
In Milan,Louis,Harry and Niall ditched the rest of the tour team and went exploring.Niall, of course, insisted on trying gelato from every ice cream shop they passed.

"The only true way to get to know a city is with your mouth."   
Niall announced to a giggling Louis and Harry.

"I guess I must know every city in Europe then." Harry said,waggling his eyebrows.

Louis rolled his eyes and raised his camera from where it was dangling around his neck. "Smile."

Louis snapped the picture just as Harry shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and aimed a smile at the camera,ice cream dribbling down his chin.

"You better not show that to anybody.It will ruin my rockstar cred."   
Harry warned,mopping up the mess on his chin with a paper napkin.

"Shit boys,look at these beauties." Niall exclaimed,whistling as a group of Italian girls wearing short mini skirts rounded the corner.Immediately,Niall slowed his pace,his eyes taking on a mischievous glint.

"Yeah." Louis echoed hollowly,looking over at Harry.

Harry kept his head down and continued eating his ice cream.Louis could tell he was uncomfortable.He wondered if Harry would have stopped and talked to them if Louis hadn't been there.He didn't like that he was maybe suppressing Harry.

Niall flagged the group of girls down and began talking to them in the little Italian he had.What he lacked in language he made up for with extravagant hand gestures.Uncomfortable,Louis moved to the side under a shop awning.He had almost forgotten Harry was even there until he felt him sidle up next to him.

"Come into that shop with me." Harry muttered pointing to a record store across the little cobbled line.

Louis nodded,figuring Niall would be a while and followed Harry into the little shop.Clearly the shop had seen better days.It was tiny and all of the records were crammed into two dusty bookshelves.All the same,Harry seemed to take on a different persona when he entered the shop.This was his zone.

As Louis trailed behind,he watched the way Harry ran his finger along the records murmuring the names of each one as he passed.Finally,Harry stopped at the end of the first row and extracted a vinyl from the shelf.

"I didn't think they'd have it."

"What is it?" Louis asked,peering over Harry's shoulder.

"The new Queen album.It came out a week or two ago but I haven't had a chance to buy it until now." Harry turned towards Louis. "Have you heard it?"

Louis shook his head.Louis' knowledge of music wasn't extensive.He liked Led Zeppelin and a bit of Pink Floyd but he didn't look forward to album releases or anything.

"Well that settles it then.Tonight,after the show,we can listen to it on the tour bus." Harry said,slipping the record under the arm of his denim jacket.

"What about the party? Do you not want to have a couple drinks with the crew?" Louis questioned,confused.

"I told you.Im not doing that anymore.Its too messy."

Louis raised an eyebrow but he didn't say anything else.He couldn't understand Harry.One minute he was telling him he wasn't gay and didn't care and then next he was volunteering to spend his time with Louis listening to records.

Harry paid the old man behind the counter of the shop and then they remerged onto the sunny streets of Milan.Of course,in the time they'd been in the shop Niall had somehow disappeared.

"Fuck.Thanks a bunch Irish." Louis groaned,after scanning the streets and coming to the conclusion that Niall had probably gotten lucky with one of the girls.

"Am I that horrible that you can't spend time with me alone?" Harry joked,placing a pair of dark framed sunglasses over his eyes to shield them from the sun.

"No...its not that."

"It's okay. _I_ can't even stand myself sometimes."

Louis screwed up his face. "Don't say shit like that,curly.It makes me feel bad.For the record-" Louis gestured to Harry, "-this version of you I like.It just gets confusing sometimes when you put on like this persona or something."

Harry frowned,moving out of the way for a young couple with a baby stroller, "I think I act like a dick on default.It's like my defence mechanism or something.Before you,nobody had ever called me up on it.Its like because I'm this rockstar or something they think I'm untouchable...when I'm not."

"Well,if you promise to be a little nicer to yourself,I promise to always call you up on your inappropriate behaviour." Louis said sticking out his hand.

Louis tried not to jolt when Harry's dry palm met his and a frisson shot up his arm.

"Now what?" Harry said,smiling down at Louis.

"Now we wander."

For the next hour,Louis explored the city with Harry,ducking in and out of little shops and sampling food.When they got back to the arena Niall was sitting outside the tour bus,shirtless and licking a giant ice cream cone.

"Thanks for ditching us." Louis said,whacking Niall upside the head.

"Ow." Niall held his head. "I didn't ditch you.If anything-you guys ditched me.I was only talking to those girls for a minute and when I turned around you had both disappeared."

Harry flopped down next to Niall,an easy smile on his face. "So you didn't get laid then?"

"Nah man," Niall laughed. "They were more interested in you."

Harry swallowed thickly,his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.With his eyes firmly on Louis,he muttered "not my type."

Niall shook his head, "I don't know what's gotten into you.Maybe you've been spending too much time with Louis and he's rubbed off on you.The man's a monk I don't think I've ever seen him show interest in a bird."

Louis opened his mouth,his cheeks heating but Harry beat him to it. "None of those groupies deserve Lou anyway."

*Lou* God that boy was going to be the death of him.

********

"This is it.Fuck this song!"

Harry bounded over to the record player in the corner of the bus and turned up the volume on the speakers.

It was after the show and just as Harry had promised,they were listening to the new record.Harry was still wearing his stage outfit-a sequinned pink matador jacket and tight black trousers-and Louis had to make a conscious effort not to stare at his bum.

"What is it called again?"   
Louis asked,his eyes tracking Harry as he sprawled out on the ground next to him.

"Bohemian Rhapsody." Harry said,almost reverently.

Louis closed his eyes and soaked up the music,his lips twitching in amusement when Harry started harmonising with Freddie.Once the song had finished,Louis peeked an eye open and grinned at Harry,already staring back in barely contained anticipation.

"Well?"

"I fucking loved it." Louis said,laughing as Harry punched the air.

"You know now I'm going to make you listen to it until you know all the words and can sing it with me." Harry said,racing over to the record player and lifting up the needle.

It took just two and a half listens before Louis was up,dancing around the bus with Harry,belting out the words.

"So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye!" Harry roared,leaping up onto one of the couches.

Louis,half delirious,screamed back, "So you think you can love me and leave me to die?"

The two men were so caught up in their little bubble that they didn't even notice Jeff's presence on the bus until he spoke. "Harry can I speak to you for a second?"

Harry and Louis whirled around at the foreign voice,their smiles evaporating.Louis clambered down from the couch and lifted the needle on the record player,killing the music.

"Can this not wait?" Harry frowned,not even looking at Jeff.

Louis knew they hadn't been caught doing anything wrong but,he still felt like a teenager caught behind the school sheds smoking.

Jeff shook his head,eying Louis uneasily. "Maybe we should talk about this in private."

"Sure I'll go and find Niall." Louis said.

"No,it's okay.Louis can stay." Harry said,gripping onto Louis' arm.

Jeff's eyes flashed in surprise but he didn't question it.Instead he sat down and scratched his ear nervously. "Listen.I've just gotten off the phone with Julia and well apparently she's flying over to Madrid for tomorrow night's show."

Fuck.Louis' stomach lurched and his eyes immediately darted to Harry.He had known he would have to face Julia at some stage but he didn't think it would be so soon.

"Shit." Harry grimaced. "Did she say why?"

Jeff shook his head. "No.She just said she misses you.Look,I know this isn't ideal timing.But,none of the crew will say anything about the groupies so everything should be fine."

Harry nodded shakily. "Thanks for giving me the heads up."

Jeff left the bus with one final sympathetic smile,leaving the two men in silence.

"I feel awful,Harry.I don't know how I'm going to stand being near her knowing what we've done." Louis said,his voice somber.

"I know but just...please don't tell her,okay Lou? I need time to figure my shit out."  
Harry beseeched,his eyes wide and sincere.

Louis nodded.He knew the right thing would be to come clean to Julia and beg for her forgiveness.But,after today,Louis can't do that to him.Besides,Louis is almost certain that he is feeling something for Harry,something more than just leftover teenage infatuation.

"I'm going to go back to my room.I won't get involved tomorrow.Its not my marriage." Louis patted Harry's shoulder consolingly and turned away.

"Wait."

He turned back.

Harry pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked up at Louis. "Can I stay in your room tonight?I won't try anything,I promise.I just don't...um sleep very well on my own."

Louis wavered.After Nate,it was better if he didn't get attached again.He should say no.He should most definitely say no. "Okay."

  
Back in his hotel room,Louis gathered a spare blanket and pillow in his arms and set about making up his bed on the floor.

"Louis,I can't let you sleep there.This is your room,let me."  
Harry said,reaching for the bed linen in Louis' arms.

"No,you have a bad back."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "How do you know that?"

"Uhh...I think you mentioned it once." Louis said quickly.He wasn't ready to admit to Harry that at one time he'd been a super fan and knew everything there was to know about him.

"Well then sleep with me in the bed.I won't try anything."

Louis rolled his eyes. "Was that your masterplan all along?Trick me into bed."

Harry held a hand over his heart and gasped. "I would never!Now get into this bed before I have to carry you."

Louis relented.He was tired and he knew it wasn't worth an argument.He dumped his accumulated bed linen back on the bed and climbed in between the sheets.Harry was still standing next to his side of the bed in full suit.

"Louis,you can't sleep in your clothes.Its almost a hundred degrees out." Harry said.

"You're such a drama queen,Harold."   
Louis complained,kicking back the sheets and standing up again.Turning around,Louis removed his t shirt and jeans until he was just standing there in his underwear.Louis wanted to rush back into bed and cover himself but he heard the soft inhalation from the other side of the room.

"Beautiful." Harry whispered,his eyes shining when Louis turned around.

Louis slipped back under the sheets. "Your turn."

Harry was slow as he peeled off his suit,almost as if he was in awe of the fabric which,thinking about it,he probably was.When Harry removed his trousers to reveal his long,sinewy legs,Louis' eyes darkened and he was forced to turn away.

Turning off the lamp,Harry slid into the bed,facing Louis.Sure they had both seen each other in various states of undress before but this felt different.It was like Louis could almost feel the fragile link between the two of them being woven.

Harry was so close that Louis could feel his breath on his face.Silent,they studied each other's faces in the semi-darkness.Louis took in details about Harry that he had never noticed before.Like how his beautiful green eyes were flecked with gold or like the baby stubble that lined his jaw.

"Thank you." Harry whispered,his face soft and open.

"What for?"

Harry shook his head and Louis smiled back at him.Feeling utterly content,Louis closed his eyes and didn't open them again until morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter Six:Milan and Madrid

**Chapter Six:Milan and Madrid**

Louis woke the next morning to an empty bed. He was annoyed with himself for being surprised, and even hurt, because he should have expected it. But Harry had been so convincing yesterday,so seemingly sincere about wanting to get closer, and Louis had put aside his own misgivings. He sat up and threw his pillow across the room hitting the edge of the door as it opened.

“Oi, watch it! Hot coffee here.” Harry was standing in the doorway with two takeaway mugs.

"Sorry I.."

"Thought I was gone.Its okay.I just wanted to return the favour."

Louis accepted the coffee from Harry and took a sip. "So,when is Julia flying into Madrid?"

Harry screwed up his face. "Couple of hours I think.I promised her I'd get lunch with her.She is my wife after all."

Louis nodded,eying Harry over the rim of his cup.He seemed different.Happier maybe? Maybe Harry was just hamming up his annoyance at Julia's visit for Louis' sake.

"You know we haven't had sex since our wedding night." Harry announced,almost conversationally.Beside him,Louis choked on his coffee.

"What!And she's just okay with that?"

Harry leaned back against the headboard and shrugged. "She knows as well as I do that there's no spark."

"No spark because.." Louis started carefully. "....she's a woman or no spark because your personalities clash?"

Harry gave Louis a warning look and he held up his hands in defeat.

"So anyway." Harry knocked back the last drop of his coffee. "I was wondering if maybe you and Niall wanted to come to lunch with us?"

"Would Julia be okay with that?She hasn't seen you in months." Louis said incredulously.

"It'll be fine.If anything she'll just be glad I'm not high." Harry waved his hand in front of him.

"Are you usually high during the day?"

"Not since I met you."

Louis flushed and looked away. "Any direct correlation?"

Harry laughed and squeezed Louis' hand quickly, "You know the answer to that."

*********

Louis and Niall met Harry and Julia in a small hole in the wall bistro in Madrid.Niall had been talking Louis' ear off the whole walk over and Louis was almost happy to see Julia's familiar silhouette behind the glass door of the restaurant.Almost.

Louis pulled open the door and was just about to walk over to where Harry and Julia were getting their coats checked when Niall stopped him.

"Louis." He hissed. "You didn't tell me Harry's wife was Jules Dormand."

Louis shrugged in confusion. "I didn't even know that was her last name.What's wrong?"

Niall shook his head and gave Louis a little jab in the back to get him moving.

Julia spotted them first. "Louis?Wow,you're so tanned.Who knew you could get a tan in November."

Louis gritted his teeth and tried to act natural despite his beating heart.He pulled her into a quick hug. "Julia,you look lovely."

And she did,she was wearing a geometric mini skirt with killer thigh high boots and a matching silk scarf wrapped around her dainty neck.Louis would almost be jealous of her if he didn't know she hadn't had sex with her husband since their marriage.

Louis gestured to Niall,who had angled himself away from Julia. "Jules,this is Niall,he's the sound guy on tour."

"Niall Horan?" Julia's face turned white and she clapped a hand over her mouth. "I haven't seen you in years."

Niall smiled back awkwardly,clearly unsure whether to go in for a hug or a handshake.Eventually he settled on a handshake,much to Louis' bewilderment."Nice to see you,Jules."

Louis looked between the two in confusion. "You two know each other?"

Julia hesitated. "We uh...we used to date for a little while in college."

Louis couldn't believe it.Julia,world famous model had dated his blond,loud and obnoxious friend.Fucking hilarious.

"Oh here's Harry." Julia said,nodding her head to Harry who had finished checking the coats and was walking towards them.

He looked good.Despite seeing him prancing around on stage every night in ostentatious suits,Louis had decided that he liked Harry best when he was wearing clothes that he had picked out himself.Today,Harry was wearing a pair of beastly,yellow corduroy trousers and a soft Harley Davidson t shirt.

"Hey." Harry said,his eyes glued to Louis,a warm smile on his face.

"Harry." Louis nodded in greeting. "Get this.Apparently your wife and Niall dated in college."

"What?" Harry turned to Julia in amusement. "I thought you had high standards."

"Hey!" Niall protested.

Julia quirked at eyebrow at Harry and practically snarled. "Well I married you so,obviously not."

Louis laughed uneasily despite knowing that Julia wasn't entirely joking.He,like the rest of the group had heard the bitter undertone. "Well,shall we sit down?"

Louis wedged himself past all of the little tables crammed into the restaurant and located a free one near the back.Sitting down,he was surprised when Harry claimed the chair next to him.Did he not realise he should be sitting with his wife?

Niall looked just as uncomfortable with the seating arrangement.He sat into the chair next to Julia gingerly almost as if he was afraid she would attack him.

"What time did you get here,Julia?"  
Louis asked,fingering the menu nervously.

Julia shot Harry a pointed look. "Around three but I was waiting an hour for Harry to show up.I had thought I would get some time alone with him but next thing I know,here we are at a group dinner."

"Stop complaining.You hate my company."  
Harry bit back.

Louis exchanged a wide eyed glance with Niall.Clearly this was a mistake. "We can go,right Niall?Theres plenty of food back at the hotel."

Louis started to lift out of his chair but Harry placed a firm hand on his thigh. "No.You're my friends and I want you both here."

Louis relaxed again,his eyes on Julia.She was upset and Harry obviously didn't give a shit.  
"Have you done anymore modelling since I saw you last?"

"Yeah actually." Julia smiled,her first genuine smile of the evening. "I just got this big contract with Fiona,you know the makeup brand?It's a steady gig which is good."

Louis nodded. "Sounds amazing."

"Why didn't you tell me you got that?" Harry said suddenly. "That's huge,J."

Julia sighed. "When was I supposed to tell you when you never call?"

After that,the table descended into an uncomfortable silence.The appearance of the waiter was a welcome reprieve for the five minutes it took for them to place their orders.When he left,their menus stacked in his arms,Niall seemed to stir himself out of his daze.

"When did you get scouted,Julia?" Niall asked.

"It was actually in my last year at college.I was shopping with Nell Ahern,you remember her don't you?" Julia waited for Niall's nod before continuing, "Well anyway,we were shopping for face cream and next thing I know this woman is coming up to me telling me I'm beautiful and have I ever thought about modelling,within the year I had a contract with the top modelling agency in London."

Niall smiled. "I always knew you would make it big."

Once Niall got going,he didn't seem to be able to stop,bombarding Julia with question after question.Louis was almost about to doze off upright in his chair when he felt the hand brush against his own.Looking at Harry out of the corner of his eye,Louis could see him grinning into his wine glass.Louis had to bite the inside of his cheeks to stop from smiling himself.Carefully,Louis intertwined his hand with Harry's under the table,pleased at the little shiver the action elicited from Harry.It was good to know that he wasn't the only one who felt the indefinable force between the two of them.

After, when the group had finished their meal and the bill arrived,Louis produced his wallet. "Let me give you something towards it."

Harry shook his head vehemently. "No way.I'm getting this.Good company and all that."

For a moment,Louis forgot where he was and leaned into Harry,tapping his wrist fondly. "Thank you."

Of course that forgetfulness evaporated when he leaned back and caught Julia's questioning gaze.Fuck.He was an idiot.Here he was acting more familiar with Harry than his bloody wife was.

Louis smiled uneasily. "Better head back.The show's soon."

Back at the arena that night,while Harry was getting ready in his private dressing room,Louis had taken on the job of amusing Julia.He wanted to say he was doing it out of the kindness of his own heart.But really,he was just feeling guilty.

"And do you see that guy over there." Louis pointed to Eric,one of the crew who packed away the stage after each show. "Threw up all over this poor girls head the first night.You should have seen it."

Julia laughed,leaning back on the sofa they were sharing. "So how've you been Louis?I feel like I know everything about everyone else but nothing about you."

"Oh,you know.Its great being able to do what you love and get paid for it,right?I do miss my mates back home though." Louis said carefully.

"But you have friends on tour don't you?"

Louis felt like Julia was coyly setting a trap and waiting for Louis to fall into it. "Yeah,Niall's great."

Julia wrinkled her brow. "And Harry?"

"What about Harry?"

"Well,as far as I was aware you hated him before tour.I mean the reason I even secured you the job in the first place was so you could be an ally to me,report back." Julia paused,letting Louis stew in his gradually building discomfort. "But now,it seems you're friends with Harry.Am I wrong?"

"I was wrong about Harry." Louis admitted.

"He didn't stop talking about you the whole car ride to the restaurant.Not once." Julia said,her eyes narrowed.

Louis tried not to seem too pleased by this information when he replied, "I don't know what you want me to say."

Julia smiled sadly. "You don't need to say anything Louis.It's all there on your face."

Louis walked away from the conversation feeling like he'd just fucked up massively.

**********

Louis was in bed when the knock came.

"It's open." Louis shouted,pushing himself up and turning on the lamp.

"She knows." Harry said when he entered the room.

Louis rubbed his eyes. "Knows what?"

"Julia knows about us."

Louis frowned. "Oh."

Harry lifted the bed covers and climbed in next to Louis,shucking off his boots onto the floor.  
"She asked me had anything happened between us and I told her about that night.I promised her it was just a one time thing."

"Right."  
Louis couldn't help the way his heart clenched then.A one time thing? So all this time while Louis' feelings for Harry had been growing deeper and deeper,Harry had filed away their night together as a moment of drunken insanity.It hurt.

Harry didn't seem to notice anything was wrong with Louis as he snuggled deeper into the covers. "She doesn't want us to split.Apparently our arrangement is just as beneficial for her.I think she might have gotten that modelling contract by using my name."

"Well I'm so glad I didn't screw up your arrangement.Would hate for a marriage to be broken up over a *one time thing*." Louis couldn't help the sour tone in his voice as he spoke.

"Louis." Harry rolled onto his side. "Are you okay?"

Louis needed to be alone right now.He couldn't deal with Harry's faux concern and puppy dog eyes so he said the only thing he knew would get rid of him; "Why won't you admit you're gay,Harry?"

Harry's eyes flashed with hurt and anger. "I don't get why you keep bringing that up."

Louis wanted to comfort him.He wanted to apologise and then smother him in kisses.But,Louis couldn't have Harry.He wasn't his to keep and Louis couldn't handle only having this small part of him so he had to hurt him before he hurt Louis.

"For God sakes,just accept it! You're gay and there's nothing you can do about it.You'll never love Julia and you're kidding yourself if you think you can stay with her."

Harry flung himself across the room his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Stop it,please just stop it."

" I'm so fucking sick of hearing you whining about your perfect life! Some of us have real problems,Harry."  
Louis roared,tears rolling freely down his cheeks.

Harry bit his lip and fled from the room leaving Louis to his self inflicted misery.

Curling up into a ball,Louis cried until he had no more tears left and passed out from exhaustion.

  
*************

The next day,Louis managed to avoid Harry until the show that night.He convinced Niall to bring food to his room and he spent the whole day moping.The thing was-Louis felt really fucking cruel now.He was angry and upset but he should never have spoken to Harry like that.Harry didn't deserve it.He didn't deserve Louis as a friend.

So,when the show started that night,Louis stayed out of Harry's eye line and mostly stuck to the corners.When Harry looked his way,Louis ducked his head down or his behind his camera.He was so preoccupied with avoiding Harry that he took barely any pictures.Before the encore,Jeff pulled him aside and told him to get his act together but Louis ignored him.Let them fire him.There was nothing keeping Louis here.

Louis skipped the dressing room party,certain that Harry was probably getting off with some girl to prove a point.Instead,he walked across the road to a little 24 hour cafe.He craved the comfort of an English tea but he would settle for just a tea in general.

He pushed open the door,wincing when a little bell jangled overhead and shuffled up to the counter.He ordered a tea and pancakes from the tired waitress and took a seat at a table by the window.It was then that he noticed the only other people in the cafe.Tucked away in a table at the back was Niall and Julia.

He had forgotten she was staying another night.Louis noted Niall's hand on top of Julia's on the table and he smiled.Julia deserved a little bit of happiness. Not wanting to be seen and deciding to forego his beloved cup of tea,Louis left a few notes on the table and left the cafe.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 


	7. Chapter Seven:Barcelona

**Chapter Seven:Barcelona**

"I kissed Julia yesterday."

Niall and Louis were lying on the roof of the venue in Barcelona.Tour would be ending in a week and Louis was trying to soak up as much sun as he could before he had to go back to rainy England.

Louis tilted his head towards Niall. "How'd it go?"

"She didn't push me away."

Louis laughed.Julia had mysteriously found more days free in her work calendar and had extended her trip by five days.Of course,Niall, who was already head over heels for the girl had taken this as the ultimate declaration of love and upped his romantic efforts.Louis didn't bother mentioning that the real reason Julia had extended her trip was probably to keep an eye on Harry and Louis.

To be far to the woman,Julia hadn't been outright rude to Louis.Sure she was a little bit awkward at times but,for the most part, their relationship had remained unchanged.The same could not be said for his relationship with Harry.Since that night in his hotel room,Louis and Harry hadn't spoken a single word to each other.Louis avoided the dressing room at all costs and Harry had stopped his late night visits to Louis' room.His enthusiasm for photography had also waned.He was barely taking twenty pictures each night and he was sure that if they weren't so close to the end of tour Louis would have been sent on the first flight back home.

As it was,Louis' life was so miserable right now that he preferred to occupy himself with Niall's.   
"What about the dinner? How did that go?"

"Well,Harry tagged along so it wasn't the most romantic."

Louis' breath caught at the mention of Harry. "Harry?Why was he there?"

Niall rolled his eyes. "Julia was worried about him.Says a certain someone broke his heart so she forced him to come."

"I didn't break his heart." Louis snapped.

In a particularly weak moment,Louis had confided in Niall.He had told him everything when Niall had walked in on him sobbing in his room.He had sat and listened to the whole story,not even flinching when Louis admitted to being gay.The only snag was that now Niall was convinced Harry felt the same way. "Nobody gets that upset with someone they've only known for a few months unless feelings are involved." He had insisted.

"He's taking shit again.Came back from the bathroom with huge dilated pupils and talking a mile a minute.Julia was furious."Niall said.

Fuck.He had noticed Harry was behaving a little erratically onstage but he'd tried not to read too into it.Now here was all the confirmation Louis needed.He had hurt Harry so bad that the man had undone all of his good work and reverted back to his old ways.

"Maybe I should talk to him.Apologise." Louis mused.

Niall shook his head. "No.Julia thinks it's better just to leave him be.Let him get used to you not being around to comfort him every time he's upset."

Louis had a feeling Julia was just trying to keep them apart but he let it drop.Instead he moved the subject matter away from him. "So how did you kiss her if you weren't alone at dinner."

Niall winked. "Ahh,well you see Tommo my boy,when we got back to the hotel I made sure Harry got out of the taxi first and then before Jules could get out I told the driver to take another lap.She wasn't happy about it at first,you know her,proper feisty,but I managed to thaw her a little and then I went in for the kill."

Louis whistled sarcastically. "You Irish are so smooth."

"Joke all you want but I got the girl in the end."

****************

Louis left Niall on the roof roasting his Irish skin to a crisp.He wandered the dank halls of the venue,deep in thought.He was afraid for Harry.Having witnessed first hand what Harry was like under the influence Louis was terrified that he might hurt himself or even,someone else.But,he had to respect Julia's wishes.If she didn't want him near Harry,Louis had to honour that and just hope she was taking care of him. So instead he spent the remainder of the time before the show,avoiding people and worrying about Harry.

When Louis walked out into the crowd later that day,he was struck by the size of the audience.It was definitely the largest arena of the whole tour.Even in his depressed state,he was capable enough to capture a few photos of the fans-girls hanging over the railings,arms raised and reaching for the stage, mouths open in desperate Os and tears streaming down their faces-Harry would want to revisit that memory one day.

Harry strutted onstage in a pair of gold encrusted flared trousers and a sheer black shirt.On his eyelids,he had smeared gold eyeshadow and he had painted his nails a complementary colour.If Louis were still speaking to Harry,he would have told him how stunning he looked.

The first song was always the driving blues rock number, “Ever Since New York" which started with a ringing chord on the guitar and then kicked in fast. Louis had always found it a little derivative, but it was a strong opener and usually got the crowd amped up. When the band rolled right into it, the crowd roared, but Harry was late coming in, which threw the band off. Even though they got it figured out pretty quickly, it seemed to stay in Harry's head. He had a talent for banter, usually joked around with the audience, and Louis thought he might play off the mistake that way. But he didn’t mention it. In fact, he barely spoke to the crowd at all, introducing the next song almost immediately.

Harry performed the next few songs without incident, but he was clearly off his game. At one point, he stumbled over the lyrics to one of his biggest hits.Things got worse halfway through the show when Harry did finally decide to speak.It was blatantly obvious he had taken something.His sentences were long and strung out and he kept losing his train of thought.Louis was almost considering stopping Harry himself when the shouting started.

"Shut up and play." Someone,a man,shouted from the corner of the stage.

“Yeah?” Harry said. “Well, you’re the boss, ain’t you, you little shit. What do you want the performing monkeys to play for you now, huh?"

"Kiwi." The guy shouted.

Harry laughed bitterly and turned to the band. "Play Kiwi.You don't need me.I'm just a monkey,easily replaced."

Louis swore Harry glanced his way,his eyes dark and heavy but then he was gone,storming off stage.

The band stared at each other for a second.Jeff was furiously signalling from the side of the stage and the audience were growing antsy.Then,Clare got up from her keyboard and adjusted the mic.The band started playing,and Clare sang.Louis had heard her sing backstage before so he wasn't surprised at how good she was.Clare was uncomfortable.She didn't know how to banter the crowd like Harry did and her movements onstage were a little stiff but she managed.When the set came to an end,it seemed like the entire crowd was silent for a moment,and then they erupted.

The second Louis got back to the dressing room,Julia was on him.  
"You need to go and talk to Harry." She demanded.

"But I thought you wanted me to stay away?" He said.

"Forget what I said.Harry's out of control and you're the only one who can help him now." Julia insisted,grabbing onto his shoulder and shaking him.

Louis didn't need telling twice.If Harry was in trouble,Louis was there. "Where is he?"

"He went back to the hotel.I've had a taxi waiting outside for you for the last five minutes."

Louis kissed Julia quickly on the cheek and then he was darting from the room,sprinting out into the crisp night air.The taxi ride was possibly the longest of his life but he tipped generously before he was running again.

The crew had a block of rooms at the hotel, but Louis wasn’t sure which one was Harry's. He’d knocked on two doors before he got a response—the sound of glass breaking and someone cursing—so he pounded harder. "Harry,its me,Louis.Are you okay?"

"Piss off, Louis.” He might have intended to sound mean, but his voice was weak.

Louis knocked again. “I just want to talk to you for a minute. Please? Then I’ll leave you alone.”

“Don’t want to fucking talk.”

Louis leaned his forehead against the door and sighed. “Fine. Then we won’t talk. We can do something else. Come on. Let me in. Let me help you.”

There was a long silence, during which Louis wondered if Harry had passed out. He was about to knock again when the door opened.Harry looked worse than Louis had ever seen him. His eyes were red, and Louis noticed for the first time how thin he'd gotten. “Can’t help,” Harry said, but he left the door open as he walked back into the room. He left bloody footprints as he went.

“You cut your foot,” Louis said.

“Broke a fucking glass in the bathroom.”

“I figured that much out,” Louis replied. “Sit down.”

He went into the bathroom and used a towel to push the broken glass into a pile and out of the way. He fetched some washcloths, wetting one of them. When he came back, Harry was sprawled on the bed. Louis gently patted some of the blood away and started picking glass shards out of his heel with as much care as he possibly could.

“Ow! That hurts, you bloody bastard.”

Louis ignored him and kept going until he was pretty certain the glass was all out, and then he cleaned the foot as well as he could. “It doesn’t look too bad, but I should go ask the front desk for a bandage.”

"Just fucking go.Now you know I haven't killed myself your duties are done." Harry snarled.

Louis didn’t move. He could see thin streams of tears running from Harry's closed eyes.He wanted to wrap his arms around Harry and comfort him but he was worried he might spook him.Eventually Harry's tears dried up, and Louis thought he might have fallen asleep. “Guess I’ll go,” he said softly.

“Course you will,” Harry slurred in response.

Louis waited another couple of minutes, unsure if he should leave. He didn’t know what Harry was on, or how much he’d had to drink. He didn’t want him to aspirate vomit in his sleep or some horrible thing like that.

"Why can't things ever be easy?" Louis murmured,not expecting an answer.

To his surprise,Harry stirred.His response was mumbled,barely audible and drifted off at the end. "You hurt me."

"I'm so sorry." Louis whispered,wiping away a lone tear.

"Stay?" Harry begged,his eyes barely open and still smeared in golden glitter.

Despite Louis' best efforts to stay away from the boy,he couldn't do it.   
"Of course I will." Louis said,running a hand through Harry's tangled curls.

***********

Harry was on the balcony,smoking one of Louis' cigarettes when he woke up.He was wrapped in a bedspread and when Louis went to sit down next to him,he flinched.Louis resorted to leaning against the cool metal railing.

"I didn't think you smoked." Louis commented,lighting up a cigarette for himself and taking a pull.

"I figured I've inflicted every other form of abuse onto my body;why stop at smoking?" Harry said bitterly.

When Louis didn't speak again,Harry took the opportunity to admit, "I don't remember anything from last night.I think I blacked out.I saw the broken glass and my foot hurts so I put that much together.We've still got our clothes on so..."

"I came by to check on you,that's all.You were in a pretty bad way at the show." Louis said quietly.If Harry didn't remember anything from last night he didn't remember asking Louis to stay.

"Shit.I screwed up didn't I?" Harry's voice was weak and Louis wanted to tell him to stop talking to preserve it.

Louis shrugged. "Not as much as I screwed up.I'm really fucking sorry for the things I said to you.Would you believe me if I said I had a reason then but that it wouldn't do any good to explain it?"

"It's okay.You don't have to explain anything." Harry muttered,although Louis could tell that it wasn't really okay.

Sighing,Harry propped his bandaged foot up onto the wrought iron table in front of him. "The first boy I ever loved I met when I was seventeen."

Louis lifted his head so fast he was amazed he didn't get whiplash. "Yeah?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah I was seventeen,New in business.What age were you then Louis?"

"Thirteen" Louis answered,shocked that Harry had chosen to show this part of himself to Louis.

"You were just a baby." Harry shook his head wistfully. "Anyway.His name was Sam Prince and he used to own this club that I would gig in every Thursday.Looking back,I reckon I fell in love with him almost straight away.He had this presence,you know? You just had to spend all of your time with him.Sam was a little older,married.Eventually,we started sleeping together.I know I know old habits die hard.I started pressuring him to leave his wife-I wanted him all to myself.In the end,he broke my heart and told me he wasn't gay and had only been using me for sex."

Louis inhaled sharply. "Oh,Harry."

"That's why I can't admit I'm gay.I think subconsciously I know that if I admit that, there is nothing standing in the way of me getting my heart broken again.At least with women I know I'll never truly love them."  
Harry finished.

"Shit,I feel awful for pushing you.I thought I was helping..." Louis said. "Well..that night when I shouted at you I didn't really mean those things.I was upset and I didn't know how else to get you to leave."

"You could have just asked." Harry said wryly.

"You wouldn't have gone even then.You're good,Harry.You would've stayed to make sure I was alright." Louis said,sitting down in the chair next to Harry now that he'd calmed down a little.

"Will you tell me what I said to make you angry?"

Louis shook his head.

Harry leaned in closer. "I know I'm pathetic but I just can't leave this alone.What happened between us? Those few days-when we were getting along-I think they were maybe the happiest days of my life.Sad right?I like you,Louis.Like really fucking like you."

Louis' mouth fell open a little and he laughed when Harry reached over to close it. "What do you mean like?Like me as a friend or.."

Harry looked at me with his lovely green eyes,made darker by the shade of the tree overhanging the balcony. "You're everything to me,Lou."

Louis could feel his whole body shaking.Harry was so much,too much. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Maybe you're too famous." Louis' mind was in overdrive now.He was overthinking everything.He just wanted Harry.Why was he doing this?

Harry laughed. "So what?"

"Lots of other rock stars in gay relationships, are there? If there’s any hint of it with anyone, it’s shoved into the category of decadence or general weirdness. It’s okay if it’s dirty. If it’s love, you’re just some faggot, and no one is going to buy tickets to see that. Where does that leave me? You want to keep me in your house while you date Julia as cover? Because that’s how I see this shaking out, and I can’t do it. I won’t.” Louis said,his voice close to tears.

He wasn't even sure where that had come from.He was pretty sure that if Harry did want to keep him in his house and hide him away Louis would do it without question.

"I would never do that do to you." Harry said firmly. "I've realised now that me asking you to keep stuff from Julia was so fucking wrong."

"What if people find out and your career is over?"

"That won't happen."

"But what if it does?It'll be because of me."

"Might be worth it." Harry said.

Louis didn't speak for a few long seconds, and then he got up. He walked over, pushed Harry back in the chair and sat astride him. Harry's face was a picture and Louis had to bite his lip to keep from giggling. Louis lowered his face and touched his lips to Harry's so much more sweetly than anything that had happened between them. Louis was already regretted the close-fitting pants he'd thrown on that morning, and then he started moving against Harry as slowly as he could muster.Harry whined lowly,his fingers clawing at Louis' hips,pulling him closer.

"You’re going to come in your pants if you keep that up,” Louis muttered against Harry's lips.

“Don’t care.” He shoved his hands down the back of Louis' pants."I don’t care.”

“If you say so.” Louis laughed.He kissed him again, and then some more, while Harry bucked up against him and squeezed his ass. It should have been frustrating, but somehow Louis couldn’t remember anything ever being so satisfying. He felt like a kid, like someone he'd been a very long time before, and suddenly he was smiling too much to maintain a kiss.Harry laughed, and Louis laughed with him, the pair breathing into each other’s mouths and humping each other frantically.

Harry slid his finger between Louis' arse cheeks and pressed it against his hole. Louis writhed against him,moaning into his sweaty neck.Louis jerked his body into Harry's and lifted up off the cane of the chair as it hit him.His dick was pressed against Harry's stomach, the tip peeking out above the elastic of his trousers,and when he came,his cum splattered onto Harry.Reaching for Harry's cock,Louis only had to rub him twice before his own cum was joining the mess.

"Fuck." Louis whispered,pressing a chaste kiss into Harry's lips as he lifted himself up.

Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Where did that come from?Anybody could have seen us."

Louis handed Harry a napkin to clean himself up and grinned. "It was all that talk of sacrificing your career.It got me hot."

"I've got to go to rehab." Harry said,the smile disappearing from his face. "It's not fair to rely on you to keep me clean.I need to sort myself out."

Louis nodded.He had figured as much.Just because things were okay between them again,it didn't mean Harry was automatically better. "Yeah."

"I don't want to leave you." Harry mumbled.

Louis reached over and brushed a gentle hand over Harry's cheek. "I'll wait for you.It doesn't matter how long it takes.I'll be here waiting when you get out."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter Eight:Scotland,Durham and Surrey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> I know I'm updating pretty frequently but if you would prefer me to figure out a specific upload day just say the word.

**Chapter Eight:Scotland,Durham and Surrey 1975**

Forty days later and Louis was driving his borrowed Ford through the imposing iron gates of Castle Craig Scotland,England's premier rehab facility.Louis had to laugh as he drove up the winding drive and caught his first glimpse of the building.Trust Harry to pick somewhere fit for royalty.

When Louis thought of rehab he thought of clinical rooms and crumbling buildings.Not state of the art Medieval castles and 50 acre gardens.It was absurd.It almost made the 7 hour round trip from London to Scotland worth it.

Before Harry had gone into rehab they had formulated a plan.Louis wouldn't contact him for the full forty days in order to allow Harry to heal properly and when his stay was over Louis would pick him up and they would travel back to London together.

Of course,a lot of things could change in forty days.For his part,Louis had spent the time moaning to Zayn and moping around his apartment.But Harry was gorgeous and Louis was worried that he might have met someone else.The rehab was famous for its celebrity clientele and he was sure Harry had been exposed to plenty of hot and rich guys in there.What if Louis just didn't compare?

Louis parked the car in the nearest empty space and allowed himself a moment to breathe.He was being irrational.Harry liked him.Maybe he didn't hold the same depth of feelings for Louis that Louis held for him.But,like was enough.For now.

Shakily,Louis forced himself to get out of the car and enter the reception area of the rehab facility.The inside was a whole different world from the outside.While the exterior of the building resembled some royal fort,the inside was like a luxury spa.Soft music was playing throughout and there was a mini waterfall installation behind the reception desk.

Hi.I'm here to pick up Harry Styles." Louis said to the receptionist,a pretty girl with blonde hair and bright kind eyes.

The girl sheafed through a pile of papers and finding the one she wanted,nodded. "Yes.Mr Styles is just getting his things together.Would you mind taking a seat in the waiting area."

Louis followed the girls gesture to where a few bean bags and couches had been set up in the corner of the room.Sitting precariously down on a sludge brown bean bag,Louis leafed through a wellness magazine to pass the time.Even the calming atmosphere in the reception was not enough to calm his inner storm.He flipped past pictures of smiling women in yoga pants,his eyes barely registering each page of the book.He was almost at the end when he felt a light tap on the shoulder.

"Hey,hot stuff."

Harry.Louis abandoned his magazine and leaped up to envelop him in a crushing hug.He buried his head into Harry's neck,breathing in the floral scent of his shampoo.Louis had missed him so much.

"It's so good to see you." Louis said finally,breaking the hug so he could get a look at him. "You look gorgeous."

And he did.Harry looked healthier than Louis had ever seen him.His frame had filled out a little and the dark circles had disappeared from under his eyes.His skin was practically glowing as he stood under the atmospheric lighting in the rehab.He was wearing a ridiculous Japanese inspired shirt and a pair of billowing linen trousers and if Louis wasn't so preoccupied with his hair he would have commented on them.

"You cut your hair." Louis breathed,reaching out to run a hand through his shorter locks.It reminded Louis of the Beatles haircuts from the 60s.

"Yeah." Harry said. "I'm not sure it suits me."

"You could pull off anything.It looks great."

Harry blushed and picked up his bag from where he had dropped it on the marble floor. "Shall we go?"

Back in the car,Louis wondered why he had ever worried in the first place.Nothing had changed.They still had that easy flow between them.They just got each other.

"Where'd you get the car?" Harry asked,flicking the hula girl air freshener hanging from the mirror.

Louis laughed. "It's Zayn's.I had to bribe him with dinner for a week."

"I feel so lucky knowing what lengths you'd go to for me."

"I'd do anything for you if I thought it would make you happy."

Harry leaned over and kissed Louis' cheek. "Someone's going soft in their old age."

"Hey!You're older than me!" Louis said,turning to Harry in mock indignation.

"Shh.Eyes on the road,grandpa."

*********

Halfway back to London,they stopped at a takeaway in Durham.Harry ordered more food than Louis had seen him eat since the beginning of tour.

"You think you're going to eat all that?" Louis eyed the battered cod,cheeseburger,onion rings and chips in front of Harry.

Harry poked his tongue out. "Afraid I'll get fat?"

"Just surprised.I didn't think you ate."

"That was the coke."

Louis bit into the burger he'd ordered. "How was it anyway?Rehab? Are you clean?"

"It was okay.I found it tough for the first week or two,weaning myself off the drugs and drink.Once I got over the withdrawal period,I was fine.Got really into yoga while I was in there." Harry said.

"Yeah?"

Harry waggled his eyebrows. "Yup.I'm extra flexible now."

Louis chucked a chip at Harry. "What are you trying to do? Kill me?"

"Nope.I was actually trying to get you horny so you'd blow me in the toilets.I haven't had sex in forty days.I'm desperate."

Louis spluttered. "We're not having sex here.Can you imagine how filthy the bathrooms probably are?Have a little class curly."

"Fine.I guess I'll just have to hold out until tonight." Harry stopped to take a sip of his drink. "You are staying with me right? Julia's staying in the apartment so we can sleep in the house in Surrey."

"You have a house in Surrey?"

"Is that a problem?" Harry asked teasingly.

"I haven't been back to Surrey since horse riding camp." Louis said.

"You rode horses?"

"How do you think I got so good at riding?" Louis joked. "While your first love was a cool club owner mine was a kid I met at horse camp."

Harry raised his eyebrows at him. "Yeah?Tell me about him."

"Technically,I wasn't actually a part of the camp.It was on my grandparents farm so I just got to show up when I wanted and muck around.My parents sent me when I sixteen because I was driving them nuts at home."

"I know how they feel."

Louis laughed. "Cheeky git.There was this camp instructor-Adam.He was eighteen and he almost didn’t seem real. He was tall—over six feet—and built like a grown man from years of manual labor. His hair was so blond it was almost white, and he had these blue eyes… Anyway, he looked like something I’d dreamed about and then tried to forget. And he was nice to me. We got to be pretty good friends.”

Harry was chewing his burger, but his eyes were fixed on Louis' face and dancing with amusement.

“Go ahead and laugh at me. I get it. But back then, it didn’t seem funny at all. It hurt. He was right there in front of me, all day, every day but Sunday. And on Sundays I’d sit in church thinking about him, trying to will my dick soft. He was all I could think about. I didn’t want to think about him. I didn’t want to like him that way. That was the last thing I wanted at the time." Louis mused,his eyes distant.Whenever he spoke about that time in his life,he almost felt like he was transported back there.

“So you pined for an entire summer? Or does this story get better?”

“I mentioned that I didn’t play much sports, so he offered to teach me to wrestle. Does that answer your question?”

Harry stared at him for a second and then burst out laughing. “I’m not sure if that would make things worse or better, now that I think of it. Weren’t you afraid you’d get hard?”

“I knew I’d get hard, but that didn’t bother me much, seeing as how he got an erection the second he made the offer. Neither of us ever said anything about it. We only ever wrestled, never kissed or touched each other in a specifically sexual way. But I got off every time he pinned me, and I’m pretty sure he did too.”

Harry's eyes were wide now, and he’d forgotten his food for the moment. “Did you ever manage to pin him?”

Louis shook his head. “He never let me. I tried, but he was a lot bigger than me. I’ve bulked up some since then. I bet I could take him now.”

That probably wasn’t true, but he was pretty sure Harry would like hearing it. anyway.The way he’d gone docile so quickly as soon as Louis had gotten on top of him made some things about him very clear, though Harry himself might not even be aware of them. He almost said, “I know I could pin you,” but stopped himself at the last second. From the look on Harry's face, he was already thinking it anyway.

*********  
By the time they got to the house in Surrey,it was past midnight and Harry had started yawning in the seat next to him.Even in the dark,the house was ridiculous.If Louis had thought the rehab centre was opulent,this place took it to a whole new level.

Louis gawked at the fountain and the many statues on the giant front lawn as he drove up the circular drive to the Greek Revival mansion. The place was hideous and enormous, and exactly the kind of place he would have expected Harry to own, before he knew him.

When he stopped the car,Louis turned to Harry. "Do I get to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom?"

Harry gave a dismissive wave. “Absurd, yeah? I bought it after the band first hit big. My real estate agent made it sound like it was the sort of place I was meant to have, you know, as a proper rock star. I was twenty and stupid as fuck. After a while I sort of stopped seeing it. Didn’t even feel like mine, since I was on the road so much.And when I am home I usually just stay in the apartment in the city."

Louis got out of the car and tilted his head upwards so he could take in the full house. “Bet you’ve thrown some great parties here, huh?”

Harry shrugged. “Sure. I got party stories for miles. I’ve seen famous people do some very crazy shit. Actors, rockers, all sorts. Does that appeal to you? Want me to invite Johnny Depp over?”

“For a ménage à trois?”

Harry barked a laugh. “Sorry to disappoint, but doubtful.”

"Are we alone in this absurd, massive palace?” Louis asked.

“Entirely. My housekeeper doesn't get back until tomorrow."

“Well, give me the tour then. I’ve never been in a place like this.”

The inside of the house was every bit as gaudy as the outside, with a lot of impressive-looking art on the walls in ornate frames, chandeliers hanging from the ceilings, and a white bearskin rug draped over a sofa in the living room. They went up a curved staircase to the second floor. There were six bedrooms, all of which were decorated in a similar fashion to the rest of the house. The master bedroom featured a fireplace, another bearskin rug, and a king-sized bed with a huge painting of a female nude hanging on the wall above it.

“Friend of yours?”Louis asked. He was annoyed at the tinge of petty jealousy in his voice.

“Do you care?”

Louis shot him a sharp glance, but Harry seemed to be genuinely curious. “Of course not. Just wondering.”

“It came with the house. Most of the art did. The guy I bought it from was broke, sold me the lot at a bargain.”

“Well, the frame is nice, anyway.”

Harry grinned at him. “Come on. I saved the best for last.”

Louis assumed Harry was saving the bed for last, but he followed him out the door and downstairs again. They descended another flight of stairs to the basement. “Wine cellar?” Harry didn’t answer, but opened a door and waved him in. There was a professional soundboard within the space, and beyond it, a small glassed-in, soundproof room. “Whoa. This is beautiful.”

Harry pushed Louis back against the soundboard and kissed him as he unbuttoned his fly. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to do,” he said. His lips brushed across Louis' cheek and trailed down his neck as he pushed Louis' jeans down below his hips. He sank to his knees.

Louis didn’t need much encouragement, and he braced himself against the edge of the table. His cock sprang out, rigid, as soon as Harry pushed his underwear down. He kept his eyes open, staring down at his cock as it disappeared between Harry Styles' lips. The whole situation seemed like some kind of outlandish teenage fantasy.Louis grunted out a curse as his orgasm seized him and gripped Harry by the hair, holding his head still.

“Stand up,” he muttered.

Harry got up slowly, his face flushed. He’d taken his own dick out at some point and was holding onto it and squeezing as if trying to get it under control. Louis pulled him close and kissed him roughly. He then pried Harry's fingers loose, took his cock in hand, and started stroking him, his fingers sliding through the clear fluid leaking from the tip.Harry moaned and buried his face in Louis' hair, his fingers now digging into Louis' back. He breathed faster, uttering short cries at the end of each exhalation until he came with a drawn-out groan.

They leaned against each other as they recovered. Harry absently trailed his fingers across Louis' shoulder and down his arm, and when he got to the wrist, Louis grabbed his hand and said, “You’ve been wanting to do this, huh? This specific thing?”

“Specific to you, yeah. Couldn’t get it off my mind” Harry mumbled.

Louis beamed and leaned in to kiss him softly. "You're amazing."

"Are you hungry? I got the housekeeper to stock the fridge before she left."

"Not particularly.Surely you're not hungry after the mountain you ate in Durham?" Louis asked incredulously.

"No,but I want to show off my cooking skills."

Louis laughed.Fuck,he loved this boy. "Come on then.Lead the way."

The kitchen, in contrast with the rest of the house, was tiled in earth tones, with copper pots hanging from the ceiling, and a heavy,dark wood kitchen table that looked like it could seat a basketball team.Harry rummaged in the refrigerator for food, pulling out a package of raw chicken.Louis sat down at the end of the long table.

“Do you?” Harry asked as he chopped the chicken. “Cook, I mean.”

“Enough so I don’t starve, but that’s about it. My mom always had my sister in the kitchen, showing her how to do stuff, but I was supposed to have had a wife to do that for me by now.”

Harry nodded. “It's sad that that's still the thinking.”

“It’s like that with everyone’s family. I guess it works out that way most of the time, so maybe it makes sense. My folks still think I should get married, even though they know. They think if I find the right girl, I’ll change my mind.”  
Louis said quietly.He didn't talk about his family very often.

“They know?”

Louis snorted. “They kept trying to set me up with daughters of friends. Wouldn’t stop no matter what I said. It was exhausting. Finally, we had a big fight about it, because my stepdad said people were going to start wondering if I was a fairy. So I shouted back that they could stop wondering, because it was true.”

“Oof. What did they say?” Harry tossed the chicken into a pan along with vegetables and soy sauce.

“They said they’d pay for me to see a shrink. My mother cried and said it was her fault for not breastfeeding me. Shit like that.” He shook his head. “Turns out it wasn’t worth it, because they still invite girls over when I go over for dinner. Not that I visit all that often. It’s hard to breathe when the air is so thick with their guilt."

Louis flicked at a loose piece of wood in the oak table.It was tough being different.Growing up,Louis had always felt like he was on trial for something he couldn't help.

Harry located two plates from the cupboard behind him and laid them out next to the oven. "You know,I think my mum would be okay if I told her I was gay.I'm lucky really because I basically grew up with it just being my mum and sister so it was okay if I wanted to play dolls or paint my nails."

"I'm glad it was different for you."

"I don't think I'd be doing what I'm doing now if my mum hadn't encouraged my creative side."

Louis watched Harry carefully plate up the food,his tongue poking out as he concentrated and Louis didn't know how he had ever disliked Harry when this was the boy that had been hiding under all of that bravado.

"Do you see your family much now?" Louis asked,accepting a place of chicken stir fry from Harry.

Harry frowned slightly,his eyes darkening. "No.They don't approve of my lifestyle.About two years ago now I showed up at my mum's place drunk and coked up to my eyeballs,she told me to never come back.I know it was hard for her.But Gemma-my sister- she's got babies now and they don't want me around them."

"Have you told them you went to rehab?Surely that changes things."

"No.They're better off without me in their lives." Harry said,dragging his fork through the mess of stir fry on his plate.

Louis grabbed onto Harry's hand,stilling his movements. "That's not true,Harry.You're bloody amazing.And if they see you the way I do then they probably miss you terribly."

Harry shrugged,but his expression had lightened slightly.

"You're not hungry,are you?" Louis asked after a few minutes,watching the way Harry was playing with the food on his plate.

"Not really."

"Well then what are we still doing down here?Show me the bedroom.I'll clean up dinner in the morning."

Harry giggled and intertwined his hand with Louis',leading him up the stairs.

"Are you sure you're up for round two,stud?" Harry said as they entered Harry's ridiculously ornate bedroom.

"Who said anything about round two?I was planning on going straight to sleep." Louis teased,flopping back onto the bed.

Harry wavered at the foot of the bed.It was clear he wasn't in the mood for jokes anymore.His expression dazed and a little panicked.Sensing his nerves,Louis moved towards him and wrapped his arms around Harry. "You're okay,Haz."

"I never get nervous except with you." Harry ducked his head in embarrassment. "I've slept with a lot of people.Treated them like complete shit and yet,I feel like a complete beginner when I'm with you."

Louis nuzzled his head into the place where Harry's shoulder and neck met and started pressing soft kisses there.

"I've never had a dick in my ass." Harry admitted.

"Well,we don't have to do that tonight.Lets just start slow.I just want to make you feel good."

Louis drew Harry onto the bed,keeping contact the whole time.Louis shed his own clothes and then helped Harry get rid of his own. "So healthy and stunning." They kept kissing for a little bit.Louis wanted to make sure Harry had fully relaxed.Then,he rolled him over onto his back and knelt over him.

"You gonna make me wank off again so you can watch?" Harry said,only half-joking

Louis shook his head. "I'm not going to make you do anything.You're doing what I tell you to do because that's what you want.Right?"

Harry swallowed hard and nodded. "Tell me."

"Grab hold of the headboard and don't let go.And close your eyes.Keep them closed,no matter what.Okay?You trust me?"

Harry reached up and grabbed the rails behind his head.He was still a little skittish so Louis bent down and kissed his hip soothingly.Louis then lifted off Harry's hips, and settled between his legs.He dotted his chest and stomach with warm,soft kisses,his chest brushing against Harry's straining cock. Harry startled when Louis pressed his lips to his hipbone again, suddenly ticklish, and Louis put his hand there to settle him.Louis probed his tongue along the underside of Harry's balls,enveloping them in a warm wetness. He pushed his legs back and licked further down, just above Harry's anus, enjoying the way Harry squirmed under him.

“What are you—” Harry sucked in a sharp breath as Louis dipped into his hole, teasing in circles around it.

Louis backed off and let Harry's legs fall back to the mattress.He watched in amusement as Harry wrenched out a groan and gripped the headboard more tightly. "Fuck-please-"

Louis bent down again,his mouth coming around Harry's cock,delighting in the low guttural moan that escaped Harry's lips.He bucked his hips hard up into Louis' throat and exploded with a sharp yell.Louis pulled it out of him as he rode out the aftershocks until he was too sensitive to be touched anymore.

"You can open your eyes now." Louis said,gently prying his hands away from the headboard.

Harry's eyes were dark when he opened them and they flashed when he saw Louis' cock,still hard and flushed.He turned over and grabbed it,sliding it between his lips and swallowing it down.Tiny pricks of light swam behind Louis' closed lids.It wasn't long before Louis was coming into Harry's mouth,grasping at his shoulder.

Louis collapsed back onto the bed,sweating.Harry slung an arm around Louis' waist and fit himself against his back.Louis stroked his forearm and snuggled in closer.This was nice.He hadn't had that kind of intimacy in past relationships.

Louis was still nervous about exposure, about taking the kinds of risks that were going to be involved in trying to have any semblance of a normal relationship with a guy as scrutinized as Harry, but if this was what everyday could be like with Harry,Louis didn't care about risks.

"Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight Louis."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine:London

**Chapter Nine:London 1975**

"How are they looking?"

"They'd look better if you stopped talking." Louis grumbled,focusing his camera and snapping a close up shot of Zayn's face.

Despite buying him dinner,Zayn was under the impression that Louis still owed him for borrowing the car.Hence,why he was spending his Saturday taking pictures of Zayn for his portfolio.

"Man,I've taken at least a hundred.That's enough." Louis said,starting to disassemble the makeshift camera stand he'd set up.

Zayn pouted. "Fine.But don't think you're off the hook.You had my car for three days!"

Louis sprawled out on their sofa,plopping his legs into Zayn's lap.After Louis' little sleepover at Harry's the other night,he hadn't wanted to leave and basically spent the entirety of the next day cuddling with Harry.Zayn hadn't seen the cute side of it when Louis had shown up with his car one day later than promised.

"I hadn't seen my boyfriend for forty days.Forty days,Z!"

"Boyfriend eh?"

Louis blushed. "That just slipped out." They hadn't had the relationship chat yet.Harry had only been out of rehab for a week and Louis didn't want to press him.But,he was pretty sure they were heading in that direction.Louis had started referring to him as his boyfriend in his head,this was just the first time he'd actually said it out loud.

"You know you kinda have me to thank for that whole thing.If I hadn't pushed you to take that job I'd probably be sitting here right now listening to you bitch about him."

Louis threw a scatter cushion at Zayn's head. "I think I would have figured out he wasn't all bad on my own."

"Maybe." Zayn shrugged. "Is he still living with Julia?"

"Yep.He swore to me they're not sharing a bed and she's going steady with Niall now so it's not like I can complain."

"But don't you want him to end it with her? That situation isn't going to work forever."

Louis frowned. "Of course I want him all to myself.But if he's single again and not messing around with other people,there will be more rumours.Hell,Harry reckons people are already talking.He hasn't been to a party in ages or hooked up with anyone besides me."

"What about Niall?Does he not care?" Zayn said.

"I think Niall's just still in shock he bagged a supermodel." Louis smiled.Since returning to London,Niall had been on cloud nine.There wasn't a day that passed when Niall and Julia's faces weren't plastered on some society page in the newspaper.Niall was enjoying parading around the city and showing off his girl.He didn't even seem bothered by the awkward living situation. "Now that I know Harry's into dick it's not like I have anything to worry about." Niall had said when Louis questioned him about it.Of course,Harry still hadn't properly said the words "I'm gay." and Louis wasn't pushing him but,he was pretty sure Harry had come to terms with his sexuality.

"Hey guys." The front door banged open and Liam bounded into the room,a magazine in his clutches.

"Hey babe." Zayn greeted. "You okay?"

Liam shook his head. "Louis,have you seen the new _Rolling Stone_ yet?The one that came out yesterday?"

"No,why?"

Liam handed him the magazine in his hand. "I think you need to read it."

Louis got up without another word and went into his bedroom.The magazine had a picture of Huey Newton on the cover. Among the list of articles surrounding his picture was one that promised an inside look at the chaos of the Harry Styles tour. He flipped through and found the article, which was several pages long. At the top was a photo taken by Louis at the beginning of the tour, with Harry in the center and the rest of the band on either side. Scattered throughout the pages were other photos from throughout Harry's career. Louis glanced at them before taking a deep breath and diving into the article.

The prose was, to be as generous as possible, casual. Less generously, Louis found it to be amateurish and gimmicky, written in a conversational style that read like Hunter S. Thompson’s junior high diary. The author did his best to convey how inside he was, getting fucked up with the band as Harry got increasingly manic and angry that night. Despite the annoying writing, the description was disturbing.Louis found himself wishing he’d stayed, although of course there was nothing he could have done to help. Maybe he had helped Harry that night, anyway.

The other shoe dropped on the second page. One of the many sloppy, self-referencing paragraphs revealed that the reporter had come back to the hotel with the band to continue the party in Mitch's room.Harry was still around, and there were still girls and drugs to be had. As unlikely as it seemed, somehow the young journalist’s instincts weren’t completely dimmed by all of the decadence, and when Harry slammed out of the room, he followed. He didn’t see much, but it was enough. He saw Harry pounding on someone’s door—one of the other crew members, he surmised, as they were clustered together—and after a minute, “some square who looked severely spooked” left quickly and headed to the elevator. Then Harry went in, and the door closed behind him.

There was an obvious attempt at offhand coolness, as if this was all to be expected. It was more crazy behavior from a rockstar that seemed to be imploding. Only, it rang false. This was a story, and the author of the piece was clearly more excited by his discovery than he was trying to let on. The rest of the paragraph detailed the various sexual rumors that had floated around about Harry for years.

Louis threw the magazine onto his bed. “Shit,” he said to the empty room. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Louis felt like he was free-falling.Walking back out to Zayn and Liam's expectant faces,he didn't know what to say.Liam had clearly filled Zayn in while Louis had been gone as he immediately ran to Louis and gave him a hug.

Zayn stepped back from Louis and held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Calm down. It’s not that bad. It doesn’t even name you. And it’s nothing new, when you think about it. Everyone already knew he was into guys.It’s no big secret.”

“That’s bullshit, Zayn. ‘Everyone’ didn’t know that. There was talk, that’s all. Not even real talk, just smirky innuendo. This is different. No, it doesn’t name me. It’s almost worse than that. Now people are going to be endlessly speculating about who it is. Jesus fucking Christ.” Louis ran a hand through his hair and tried to take a deep breath.

"Why don't you call Harry,and the two of you can figure this out?" Liam advised,exchanging a worried glance with Zayn.

Louis shook his head.What he needed was a drink. "I can't.I'll be back soon.Don't say anything to anyone."

Louis left the apartment,grabbing Zayn's keys on his way out the door, before either of his best mates could object.Traffic was bad as usual. Louis' anxiety peaked and subsided repeatedly during the whole drive, and he was exhausted by the time he got to the Clubhouse,his usual haunt.

The room had a subterranean feel, with dark brown brick on one wall, and deep scarlet banquettes running along its length. The lighting was dim, and the place was deserted. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Donnie behind the bar. Donnie was friendly enough, but didn’t flirt too much, and would give him space if he needed it.

Donnie had big sideburns, a curly mass of coppery hair, and a playful grin that he aimed at Louis as he sat at the bar. “Well, hey, hot stuff,” he said.

Louis flinched.Harry liked to call him that.Harry.Fuck,he was probably freaking out somewhere.Louis knew it was only a matter of time before people figured out Harry's mystery hookup was Louis.All of the other guys on tour were either married or had steady girlfriends.Not to mention,Julia had probably already told a few people about it.She wasn't exactly known for keeping secrets.

Donnie started fixing him his usual, a gin and tonic,but kept watching him. “Something happen to you? You look a little shaky, hon.”

Louis shook his head. “Got some time to kill.” He pulled out his pack of smokes and lit one up. “Tell me what’s been happening around here since I’ve been away.”

Donnie slid a cocktail napkin in front of Louis and set the drink on it before launching into all the gossip in the neighborhood for the past several months. Louis barely had to talk, and that was perfect. All he needed to do was hold up his glass when it was empty, and Donnie would fix him a new one, talking all the while. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but other customers had started trickling in. Donnie would wander away to get someone’s drink and then come back and chatter some more.

A guy who looked vaguely familiar came up and leaned on the bar next to Louis. “I know you,” the guy said.

“Yeah? I don’t know you,” Louis replied. That was the moment he realized how drunk he’d gotten over the past god knows how many hours.

“You’re that guy. Harry Styles' photographer. Right?”

“That’s me,” Louis said. “That guy.”

“Hey man, I read that article in Rolling Stone. Is it true about Styles?” The guy’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. Was it your room?”

“I don’t know anything about it,” Louis mumbled. He tried to look at his watch but was unable to focus on the face. “Hey, what time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

Louis closed his eyes for a second and then nodded. “Thanks.” Zayn and Liam would be getting worried now.

“Seriously, you don’t know anything about it?” The guy didn’t want to let it go. Louis supposed it wasn’t surprising, since in his experience people were mostly a bunch of nosey assholes, but it pissed him off.

"Pretty little thing like you, and Harry Styles didn’t try it on with you even once?” He looked Louis up and down. “That queen clearly has no taste. Either that, or you’re lying through your teeth.”

“Why don’t you fuck off?” Louis set his glass down and turned to look the guy in the face. “I’m not interested in talking to you or fucking you, so quit wasting your time.”

“Excuse me, bitch?” The guy came off a bit camp, but he was much bigger than Louis. Ordinarily, he might have been scared, but he was too far-gone for fear.

“I said, fuck off.”

Donnie came rushing over and looked straight at the guy. “I’m sure he meant to tell you politely that he’d rather be alone, but it was nice to meet you. Why don’t you come down to the other end of the bar, and I’ll buy you a drink.”

The man brushed hard against Louis' shoulder as he walked away, but didn’t say anything else. After Donnie got him his old-fashioned, he came back and leaned down in front of Louis.

“Another G and T, barkeep,” Louis said.

"I think not. And I want you to give me your keys. I’ll get you a cab.”

“But I’m not ready to leave.”

“You’ve been ready, honey. You need to go before you pick a fight I can’t get you out of. What do you want to do, mess up those hands hitting some leather queen? I don’t know what’s got your panties in a wad, but you need to go sleep it off.”

“What does it matter if I get into a fight?Everything is fucked, Donnie.”

Donnie frowned at him and picked up the phone, and then stopped dead staring at something behind Louis. He replaced the receiver and said, “Um, hi. What can I get for you?”

“Nothing, thanks.”

Louis knew he must be very drunk, because the man’s voice had sounded exactly like Harry's. It was so ridiculous; he didn’t bother to turn around. When the man sat down next to him, he did look up and had to squint to focus on his features.

“Louis." Harry said.

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked in a hushed, shocked whisper.

“Came to get you.”

Louis shook his head, which made him dizzy and slightly nauseous. “Why? How did you—? Never mind. Man, you have to go. You can’t be here.”

Harry grimaced. "So you read the article then."

"I've ruined your career."

"Lets talk about this somewhere else.Where are your keys?" Harry said,holding out his hand for Zayn's keys.

Louis slid off of his stool and almost lost his balance. "Why are you so calm about all of this?"

The other customers in the club were full on staring now.Even Donnie had stopped serving customers and was leaning against the counter,watching.Louis wanted to pull his arm away when Harry grabbed it but,even in his drunken state,he couldn't say no to him.

"None of this matters,Louis.Who gives a fuck if my career is over." Harry muttered,trying to drag Louis to the door.

"I do! You're so fucking talented,why would you waste that on me?"

Harry yanked Louis through the doors of the club and out into the frosty night air.Somewhere in the back of Louis' mind,he vaguely registered that he'd gone out without a coat.

"You want to know why I'd give up my career for you?" Harry angled closer to him and whispered, "because I'm in love with you."

Love.Louis veered away from Harry and vomited up the contents of his stomach onto the pavement.

"I wasn't expecting that reaction." Harry said softly.

Louis wiped his mouth quickly and straightened up again. "I fucking love you too." He muttered.

"Can I kiss you?"

"We're in public and I've just puked.Sure you want to do that?" Louis asked,raising an eyebrow.

"I don't care." Harry kissed him hard and then pulled back to look at him with wide eyes that shone with something that made Louis' breath catch.

"Lets go,please."

Louis didn’t remember the ride back to Zayn's,but he did remember Harry removing his clothes and tucking him into bed before he drifted off. He woke up sometime later to rush to the bathroom and puke up whatever dregs he hadn’t managed to expel back at the bar,Harry running in after him to rub his back and whisper soothingly in his ear.He took four aspirins and went back to sleep again.At some point he heard people talking-Zayn and Harry he guessed- which pulled him toward the surface of consciousness,but when the voices stopped,he drifted right back down.

***********

When Louis woke the next day,Harry was stretched out on the bed next to him,one of Louis' books in his hands.

"Hey,pretty baby." Harry said,tilting his head and kissing Louis.

Louis smiled wryly. "Look at how the roles have reversed now,eh?"

"I quite liked looking after you for the night."

"Well don't get used to it because I don't plan on getting drunk again for a very long time." Louis sat himself up in bed. "What time is it?"

"One."

"One?Fuck I had this magazine shoot at ten."

"It's okay.Zayn rang them and rescheduled." Harry said,his eyes on the page in front of him.

"Thank God for that.What are you reading?"

Harry took his hand away from the front of the book so Louis could see,his mouth twisting when he saw what it was.The Great Gatsby.

"I used to have a copy in my room at my mums.I forgot how much I loved it." Harry said,his eyes distant and far off.

"I find it so sexy that you're a secret book worm." Louis said,snuggling into Harry's side. "You have no idea how fucking erotic it was when you whispered that poem in my ear."

"Trust me.I do.Baby,you forget that your face says everything you're feeling."

Louis buried his head in the pillow to block out Harry's laughter.They stayed that way,curled around each other while Harry read for a couple more minutes before Harry broke the silence. "I rang my mum while you were still asleep."

Louis looked at Harry,pride curling in his gut. "Yeah?How'd it go?"

"Mmm.It was good actually.She was happy when I told her I went to rehab and got clean,sorted out some issues.She asked if I wanted to come and visit some time."

"Oh Harry,that is so fucking great." Louis said.

"I told her about you." Harry added. "Told her that you were the reason I wanted to get better.She reacted well.Apparently,man or woman, any person who helps her baby will receive her blessing."

Louis was bursting.He was bursting at the seams with love and affection for the boy next to him.He couldn't believe how far he'd come. "I love you so much,Harry."

Harry practically lit up at Louis' love declaration. "I love you too,Louis.More than I ever thought it was possible to love a person."

"What's going to happen with us?" Louis didn't want to ruin the atmosphere.But he couldn't let it go any longer.He loved Harry and he wanted to be with him forever and at the moment, homophobia was a hurdle in the way of their forever.

"It's out there now.Zayn showed me the newspapers for today.We're plastered on the front page of every major publication. " Harry said all this casually,like it wasn't a big deal.Yet,Louis' heart was in his mouth. "I don't know what's going to happen with my career.But frankly,if my fans don't appreciate me for who I really am then I don't want to spend my time making music to appease them."

"But what will you do if you're not making music?"

"We could always run away to a country where nobody knows us and start afresh."

Louis laughed,despite himself. "We could move to Hawaii and open a tiki bar."

Harry's eyes lit up. "I finally wouldn't look out of place in my Hawaiian shirts."

"That would be the dream."

"Hey." Harry turned away to rummage in the pockets of his discarded jeans at the end of the bed. "Speaking of dreams,I was going to wait to give these to you closer to your actual birthday but I'm just too excited."

Harry handed Louis a plain white envelope and watched with barely contained excitement as Louis tore it open.

"Wait,Harry,these are tickets." Louis pulled out the tickets and flipped them over in his hands. "Queen?Holy fuck Harry,you didn't!"

Harry was grinning like a Cheshire cat now. "They're performing on Christmas Eve at the Hammersmith.I bought the tickets the day we listened to my record."

Louis squealed and leapt onto Harry,peppering his face with kisses, "Thank you,thank you,thank you,thank you."

 

**********

"I can't believe we're really here." Louis said,looking around the concert venue in awe.

It was one week later and Louis was still in shock that he was going to be seeing Queen play live.It was the most sought after gig of the whole year and yet,here he was,about to experience history being made in the flesh.

"Happy Birthday,Lou." Harry murmured,squeezing his arm.

"Wait until Niall hears about this."

Niall was an avid Queen fan and when he'd heard Harry had two tickets he'd spent the last week trying to convince Harry that he could be a better boyfriend than Louis.

"He'll be okay,I managed to get Freddie to sign something for him."

Louis turned to Harry in awe, "What?How?"

"Jeff knows Freddie's manager and he was able to pull some strings."

"I suppose it's the least the boy deserves.He did offer to suck your dick."

"Hey!" Harry squealed. "You love my dick!"

Louis caught the scandalised look a passing woman shot them and he giggled, "Shut up Harry,this is not the place."

After the picture of them kissing had been released to the press,everybody now knew that Louis and Harry were an item.But,they still had to be careful in public.There had been backlash and Harry had already received severely threatening letters to his fan mail address.Unsurprisingly,Harry had taken these letters in his stride.Now that Harry had come to some big sexual awakening,he was desperate to show the world.Unfortunately,he didn't quite understand that just because he had come to terms with his sexuality didn't mean the world had too.

Harry reached under Louis' shirt and tickled his ribs, "Admit it or I won't shut up!"

"Fine,fine.I love your dick,Harry!" Louis shouted in exasperation.

Of course,just as he shouted this there seemed to be a lull in the crowd noise and his shout rang out,much louder than he had anticipated.Louis ducked his head in horror as several people turned in his direction,sneers in place.

"God Louis,have some decorum." Harry laughed.

"I fucking hate you."

"Aww,sweet."

After Louis had somehow managed to get past his mortification,the two men wrestled their way to a cordoned off VIP section near the front of the stage.Louis almost forgot Harry was such a huge celebrity until he was able to do shit like that.

When the show finally started,Harry let out a little squeak of excitement when Freddie materialised onstage and Louis nudged him, "You realise you're a rockstar too,right?"

Harry shook his head dreamily, "I think I'm in love,have you seen that white jumpsuit?"

Louis eyed the skintight white jumpsuit Freddie Mercury was poured into. "It's a good look.I think he's giving you a run for your money in the style game."

"Shh,let me enjoy the master at work."

They didn't talk for the rest of the show,both of them transfixed by the music and the atmosphere in the room.The night was possibly the most magical Louis had ever experienced.The band was incredible and Louis and Harry both sang themselves hoarse,wrapped up in each other's arms,their ear drums filled with the beautiful music.

The show finished much too quickly for either of their likings and they continued singing as they were pushed out into the cold,icy air with the rest of the crowd.

"Come here,a sec." Harry said,grabbing Louis' hand and pulling him down a little alleyway,away from the crowds.

"What are you doing?"

"Dance with me baby."

Harry pulled Louis close to him and joined their hands.Louis was still a little confused as to why Harry would want to slow dance in a creepy alley on Christmas Eve but he played along,swaying gently to and fro.

Harry leaned in close to Louis' ear and began singing, "Ooh you make me live,whatever this world can give to me,it's you you're all I see,ooh you make me live now honey,ooh you make me live...."

Louis closed his eyes,overwhelmed.He didn't think it was possible to love a person as much as he loved Harry-he breathed for the boy.

When Harry finished singing,his voice still hoarse from shouting,they slowed to a stop and Louis kissed him gently, "I love you so much it hurts,Harry."

Harry beamed. "You're the love of my life."

"Do you think it's midnight yet?"

"Probably."

"Well then,merry Christmas baby!" Louis said.

"This is going to be my best Christmas yet,I think."

Harry and Louis had agreed to spend Christmas in Harry's London house with Niall,Julia,Zayn and Liam as none of them were particularly close to their families.Not to mention the fact that Louis' own family didn't even know of Harry's existence.

"As long as Niall doesn't burn the turkey." Louis laughed.

"Oh trust me.I'll probably end up cooking the damn thing," Harry complained,then gestured to the line of cabs across the road. "Now,lets go home before we get frostbite."

Louis followed Harry,his whole body buzzing with contentment and happiness.

*************

The next morning,Louis woke up to Harry mouthing at his neck.Immediately he could feel himself getting hard and he moaned in frustration.

"Harry,you're getting me excited."

"Good,everybody deserves a Christmas fuck." Harry winked,trailing kisses down Louis' bare chest until he reached the hem of his boxers.

"We can't.Liam and Niall are like overgrown kids.I wouldn't put it past them to burst into our room and jump on our bed."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Who cares?I want you to fuck me,will you do that?"

"Are you sure you're ready?" Louis asked.

"Yeah.Its Christmas,you're my boyfriend and I'm horny.Please,fuck me."

"God,you know I can never say no to you."

Louis flipped them so Harry was underneath him and let their lips brush together.He moved down to Harry's cock and dragged his tongue up the side of it just to hear what sound he might make. He wasn’t disappointed. Harry let out a guttural cry, somewhere between relief and frustration, pulling at him with his legs.

Louis knelt up and pushed Harry's knees back, tossing his head to get a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. He met Harry's eyes again. They were wide open, vulnerable and maybe a little nervous, but not afraid. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he almost groaned. This whole thing had been completely unplanned. “Hey, do you have anything I can use to—” He stopped when Harry abruptly leaned over, threw open the drawer in the bedside table and tossed a small bottle at him. Louis caught it in midair and set it aside. He kissed Harry on the inside of the thigh. “Thanks.”

Louis knew he had to take this whole thing slow.Harry had never been fucked before and Louis remembered how unpleasant his own first time had been.He didn't want it to be like that for Harry.

Louis lowered himself to the bed and nuzzled between Harry's thighs, slathering everything with warm saliva, moving with inexorable slowness into the crack of his ass. Every time he felt Harry freeze, he stayed in one place until he relaxed again. When Louis started circling his asshole with the tip his tongue,Harry made beautiful sounds as he rubbed his cock and pushed himself down on Louis' face. Louis felt him opening, wanting it, and it sent a shock of desire through him. He slid himself against the slick silk sheets as he dipped his tongue further in and got more grunts and whimpers in return. Time seemed to stop in the haze of pleasure surrounding both of them. When he lifted his head to look,Harry's head was thrown back, the tendons in his neck stretched out. His mouth hung open as he panted.Louis got back onto his knees, picked up the little bottle and squirted lube onto his hand. He swirled one finger against Harry's hole, pushing in slightly more each time until it was in. He felt the tension in Harry's legs, but he didn’t bother to tell him to relax. In his experience, that never worked anyway. He kept doing what he was doing adding another finger, and another.

Finally, Louis pulled up, rubbing Harry's legs, never losing contact with him. “I know you like to be bossed around a little,” he said, “but I’m not doing that this time. I want you to be in control of this.”

“How?” Harry asked. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Louis crawled up the bed and propped himself against the headboard. “Come here,” he said.

Harry sat up, his cock standing up straight against this stomach, and let himself be pulled around to face Louis.

"Come kiss me.”

Harry swung his leg over Louis' lap and put his hands on his face. He leaned in, his eyes drifting shut, and kissed him with insistent softness. He seemed a little dazed. Louis slicked himself up with more lube,rolled on a condom and brushed the head of his cock against the opening.

."You tell me if you want to stop,” Louis said. “I won’t be mad. Promise me.”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. Promise.”

Louis guided him by the hip, pulling him down onto the tip of his dick. “Go as slow as you want.”

Harry sat down on him, fractions of an inch at a time. He drew in a sharp breath as he passed the tight ring of muscle, and froze. He tightened his grip on Louis' shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Okay,” Louis said. “Be still for a minute.” He reached between them and stroked Harry's shaft.

He waited, concentrating on his breathing to resist the urge to pull Harry farther down onto himself. After what felt like more than a minute, Harry started moving again, this time much more smoothly, though still at a snail’s pace.By the time he bottomed out, Harry was breathing like he’d run a mile.

Louis grinned at him, “Whenever you’re ready.”

Harry laughed breathlessly and started rocking against him, lifting up and down with minute, cautious movements. “This can’t be enough for you,” he said.

“It’s great. You’re perfect. Keep going.” Louis kept his hand moving on Harry's cock and his eyes on his face.

Harry increased the pace after a little while, pulling up farther and sinking back down harder, but the look on his face was mainly concentration.Louis wanted to make it as hot for Harry as possible.He wasn't one for dirty talk,usually kept it to grunts and stifled moans but Harry seemed like he might be into it.

Louis pressed his fingertips into Harry's hips and groaned,"You like my cock in your ass? I know you do. You’ve been begging for it, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Harry panted. “Wanted your cock so bad.”

You going to come for me baby?Show me how much you love getting fucked."

Harry let out a small cry and ground down hard. He lifted up and slammed himself back down again, blinking hard, his mouth hanging slack.

“You’re going to come so hard with your asshole all filled up with my cock, and then I’m going to come up inside you, and it’s going to be running out of you for d—”

“Oh god!” Harry shouted. “Fuck—I’m coming. I’m coming.” He made a repetitive, staccato sound as his body shook.

Louis jerked him faster, and with his other hand around Harry's waist, he pulled him down hard onto his groin as his sphincter contracted against the base of his cock. Louis groaned and pitched forward, pushing Harry onto his back and thrusting into him one last time as his orgasm seized him. After a moment, he pulled out carefully but stayed on top, not ready to move yet.

"That was-" Harry broke off,his pupils dilated and his cheeks flushed.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Did I enjoy it? Louis that was the best sex I've ever had."

Louis rolled back onto the bed and wrapped an arm around Harry."You're sure?I know you struggled at the start."

Harry shook his head. "Doesn't matter.Sex is different when you love the person.Better."

"Is it safe to come in now?" Niall bounded into the bedroom with a sheepish Liam in tow,cutting off Harry and Louis' conversation.

"Have the two of you been standing outside the door this whole fucking time?" Louis shouted.

Niall and Liam jumped up onto the bed and in unison exclaimed, "Its Christmas,bitches!"

Louis met eyes with Harry and the two of them burst into a fit of hysterics that lasted until Julia came into the room and scolded all four of them.

Louis managed to hold Niall and Liam off long enough for him and Harry to get dressed in matching ugly Christmas jumpers.Yes,they were _that_ couple.

"You both look fucking ridiculous." Julia scoffed when they joined everybody downstairs by the tree.

Harry stuck his tongue out at her, "You're just jealous because you don't have one."

It was strange.Now that Harry and Julia's relationship had dissolved they had somehow reverted into a pair of squabbling siblings.Louis had lost count of the number of times he'd showed up at the house to find them arguing over something stupid like who should cook dinner that night or what to watch on TV.But,he had also noticed how protective Harry was of Julia,especially when it came to her relationship with Niall.At the base of their relationship was this love and respect that hadn't been able to flourish when they were married.Not that,they weren't still married or anything.But,only in the official sense.Thank God.

"Can we just get this over with so I can go back to bed?" Zayn groaned,letting his head flop back onto Liam's shoulder.

"Aww is little Zaynie feeling tired?" Louis mocked, "You weren't the one who was kept out dancing in an alleyway until one in the morning."

Harry poked him. "Hey! You said it was romantic!"

"It was!I'm just trying to lessen the blow for the others.They'd be really fucking jealous if they knew we had the best night ever."

"For that,I'm glad I got you a shit present,Tommo." Niall grumbled,shoving a badly wrapped box into his hands.

Louis tore into the present,scoffing when he picked up the measly piece of paper inside the box, "20% off at Lady Janes clothing.Gee thanks Niall,you've really pushed the boat out."

"Julia and I thought you'd look good in one of their dresses."

The rest of the group laughed while Louis pushed Niall back onto his ass. "Watch it,Horan."

The rest of the presents were fairly standard.He received a shirt from Zayn and Liam,a new record from Harry and a box of old Harry merch from Julia "I've got to get rid of the tat somehow."

Finally,it was time for Louis to give Harry his present.He'd spent a whole day searching the shops for his present,ultimately coming to the conclusion that it was impossible to buy for a rockstar who had everything.Instead,Louis had gone down the sentimental route.

"I hope you like it.I wasn't sure what to get you." Louis muttered,handing Harry his badly wrapped gift.

"I know I'm going to love it."

Harry carefully peeled off the wrapping paper to reveal a leather bound notebook.

"I've filled it with all of the poems that remind me of you." Louis explained quickly,he wasn't used to feeling so insecure.

Harry opened the notebook and ran his hands over Louis' handwriting.Louis watched in anticipation as Harry flipped through the book slowly.When he turned back,tears were running down his face, "I love it.This is the best gift I've ever received."

Louis scooped Harry into his arms and held his head to his chest, "Merry Christmas,curly."

"Well done Lou,now the rest of us look bad." Liam joked.

Julia put down the watch Niall had gifted her and scowled, "Yeah,Niall.Did you put any thought into this at all?"

Niall looked at Louis with panicked eyes, "D'ya see what you've done?"

*************

As predicted,Niall did enlist Harry in the turkey making after he almost burned the house down.Luckily for the rest of them,having Harry on cooking duties meant they were guaranteed to have something to line their bellies other than Irish whiskey (non-alcoholic for Harry.)

While the two boys flapped around the kitchen,Liam,Zayn and Julia went on a walk in the park.Louis declined their invite to join as he was unable to tear himself away from the sight of Harry in a bright pink glitter apron.

Dinner was served at three just as the others returned from their walk much to Niall's dismay who had been hoping to steal an extra portion if they were late back.

"This is good,Harry." Louis complimented,biting into a piece of turkey.

"And me!I helped too." Niall squawked.

"If it had been left up to you we wouldn't be eating at all."

Beside him,Harry reached under the table and put his hand on Louis' thigh,momentarily distracting him, "What are you doing,Harold?"

"Force of habit,I guess.I'm incapable of being near you and not touching you." Harry said.

Julia rolled her eyes. "I preferred you when you were a dick.This whole lovey dovey thing is vomit inducing."

"We're in love,sue us."

"I can't wait until you both go back on tour." Zayn commented.

"Have you thought any more about that,Harry?" Liam asked, "Like what you're going to do about the music thing?"

Louis tensed.They'd been avoiding this topic and he didn't want Harry to get upset on Christmas.But,Harry didn't seem bothered,squeezing Louis' thigh in reassurance before answering, "I've been thinking a bit about it.And I know it would be hard to voluntarily let go of music.Obviously,everything depends on the publics reaction.From the amount of hate mail I'm receiving,I might end up playing to empty arenas."

If that happens,I'll be your audience." Louis promised.

Zayn laughed, "You _were_ his biggest fan once upon a time."

"What! You didn't tell me that!"

Oh God,Zayn had really screwed him over.He knew Harry would never shut up about it if Louis told him he'd once had posters of him all over his teenage bedroom.

"Zayn's exaggerating."

Am not." Zayn said. "If I recall correctly you used to hog the telly any time lover boy over here was performing.Not to mention the amount of times you made me listen to his records."

"Aww Lou," Harry cooed,eyes twinkling "You were in love with me before you even knew me."

Niall and Julia simultaneously let out a groan, "Now I'm really going to barf."

Louis raised his wine glass,hand twisting with Harry's. "Cheers,to a good year!"He knew it would be his best one yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
